Ah Valentine’s day, one of the most over-rated, over-hyped, over-commercialized holidays known to man! Few holidays trigger more anxiety in the male of the species than Cupid’s revenge, when no romantic gesture ever seems to be quite right in the eyes of the fairer sex, especially when there’s literally, no gesture at all…
Men, skip the flowers and candy this year and bring your date to the only place more romantic than a Texas slaughterhouse – an actual meatpacking plant on Hell’s Half Acre in Fort Worth!
Your honey will cling to you like a girdle on Dolly Parton as you bob and weave your way through a moving train of bloody corpses, chased by evil, chainsaw-wielding fiends though the darkened old death factory.
Aided only by flickering candle light, you’ll stumble through floor after floor of romantic tableaus and bittersweet surprises, such as a zombie tenderly feeding his bride a quivering slice of brain, or a blood-encrusted vampire, feasting hungrily on his one true love.
Yes, there’ll be lots of romantic lighting, lovesick zombies and enough blood and guts everywhere to give you fond memories of the Valentine’s Day Massacre! Hold on tight to your date and don’t let go till you’re both safely back in your car! And remember, nothing says I love you like a bloodcurdling scream!