Spooks on a Plane

Intrepid travelers from Fort Worth’s Cutting Edge Haunted House could be coming to a city near you!

If you’ve ever wondered how zombies and ghouls get home for the holidays, it’s easy; they take the redeye.

Taking advantage of special cut-rate fares for undead travelers, monsters and ghouls from Fort Worth Haunted House Cutting Edge and others quietly slip aboard nearly empty aircraft under cover of darkness, entering via a rear entrance to keep them segregated from the other passengers.

“Dead people need to travel too,” says flight attendant Ima Slutt, “but they tend to make the other passengers uncomfortable, so we give them their own compartment behind a curtain.”

And what about inflight meals? “We serve the zombies fresh cow brains,” says Ima. “It’s kind of gross, but it keeps them from going after the other passengers.” And what about the vampires? “We get expired blood products from the blood bank for them,” she says, adding “but we have to serve it straight from the bag with a straw. We can’t pour it in a glass, because if we hit turbulence and they spill it, we have to have the hazmat team come in and clean it up.”

Undead travelers are a boon for some airlines, filling seats in repositioning aircraft that would otherwise go empty. They also don’t require supplemental oxygen in the event of a cabin depressurization, and they seldom check baggage, or even bring a carryon. They are, in fact, the ideal passenger. No zombie or ghoul has ever sued an airline.

“I’d take a whole planeload of zombies over some of the passengers we get,” says Ima. “I don’t think they even know what the call button is for. And they never get up to go to the bathroom.”

So are there any drawbacks? “There is one thing,” says Ima. “I wouldn’t want to get in a plane crash and wake up to find a zombie eating my brain.” She shudders involuntarily.