How to Tell if There’s a Zombie at Your Thanksgiving Dinner

You plan the perfect holiday meal, with a golden brown roast turkey and all the trimmings, invite all your friends and relatives and anticipate spending an afternoon feasting, laughing and making merry. And then a zombie goes and ruins it all by acting out and behaving badly, as zombies are wont to do. So how’s a Martha-Stewart-wannabe to know if there’s a zombie at your Thanksgiving dinner? Here are a few clues:

1. When you ask if he wants white meat or dark, he says “I prefer grey matter.” (Wait a minute, zombies can’t talk!)

2. He smears cranberry sauce all over his face and it looks eerily like blood.

3. You offer him a drumstick and he tries to beat you over the head with it.

4. He has a fixed, “1000-yard-stare.” (Check his I.D. — could just be a teenager.)

5. You try to make small talk and he just grunts. (We told you, zombies can’t talk.)

6. Whenever he enters the room, the pleasant aroma of roasting turkey is replaced by the odor of rotting flesh.

7. Instead of flowers or wine, he brings a chainsaw.

8. He’s the only one that didn’t come in a car.

9. He goes outside for some fresh air and your dog mysteriously goes missing.

10. After all the other guests are full, you find him rummaging in your refrigerator looking for some raw meat.

If your Thanksgiving meal does get ruined by a zombie, don’t despair. Just go online and get tickets to Cutting Edge Haunted House’s Nightscare Before Christmas one-night-only spectacular event on Saturday, December 13th. After all, as they say: If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!