Top 10 Zombie New Year’s Resolutions

CENewYearsIt’s New Year’s Eve, and all around the world, zombies are busy making plans for what to do better in the New Year — how to be healthier, happier, scarier, all the important things that zombies have on their worm-eaten brains. Here at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, we polled our zombies to come up with the top 10 zombie resolutions for 2016, and here they are:

10. Eat more brains, and less cats.

9. Get more cardio “shuffling to the oldies” with Richard Simmons.

8. Use public transit more frequently, and leave the hearse at home.

7. Buy “Energy Star” rated chainsaws to protect the environment.

6. Quit smoking brains — eat ’em raw!

5. Spend more time reading and less time watching the Kardashians.

4. Learn a new language — maybe English.

3. Update wardrobe with fresh bloodstains.

2. Spend more quality time with fellow zombies.

1. Scare the living daylights out of as many people as possible in 2016!

Happy New Year, America, and we look forward to frightening you again in 2016! We’ll leave the lights out for you…