Zombies Run Amok at Cutting Edge

Citizens of the Dallas Fort Worth area are asked to be on the lookout for slow-moving undead pedestrians wearing shabby clothing and carrying chainsaws.  It seems a number of Zombies residing at the Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth are currently unaccounted for, and may have escaped the premises.

“We don’t want to alarm anyone just yet,” said Todd James, Owner and Master of the Macabre at Cutting Edge.   “It’s possible they could just be hiding somewhere in the building or on the grounds.   It’s a big place.   God knows, we’ve lost people in there before.   Some we still haven’t found.”

Nevertheless, if you should encounter a Zombie, there’s no reason to panic.  Zombies are slow-moving creatures, and most people can outpace them at a brisk walk.

“Just stay calm and walk away,” cautions James.  “And whatever you do, don’t scream.   Screams attract them, and where there’s one, there’s probably more.”  And while one Zombie poses little threat to all but the infirm, a crowd of Zombies can quickly surround you, as most B-movie horror fans will attest to.

“We’re doing everything we can to resolve the situation,” said James.  “I promise you, we will NOT have another incident like we had back in ’98.  You say you weren’t here in ’98?  Oh, well never mind.”

James takes a call on his cell phone.  “What?  You’re kidding me!  Well whose hand is it?  Is there an arm attached?  Are we missing any cast members?  Never mind, I’ll be right there.”  He looks a little sheepish.  “Kids and their chainsaws.”

Citizens who think they may have spotted a zombie are advised not to try to apprehend it, but instead to call 1-800-ONO-U812 and report the time and location of the sighting.