The Perils of a Full Moon at Christmas

CEWerewolfMoon Santa’s not the only creature roaming the Earth this Christmas Eve…

Early Christmas morning marked the first occurrence of a Christmas full moon in 38 years, and it will be the last until the year 2034. The full “cold moon,” the last full moon of the year peaked Friday morning just as Santa Claus was finishing his Yuletide rounds.

What are the ramifications of a full moon occurring at the same time as the jolly old elf is circling the globe, with a sleigh full of goodies, a big fat jelly belly and nine juicy morsels of venison? Clearly he’s a prime target for a wide variety of night stalkers, not the least of which is the ravenous bloodthirsty werewolf.

We all know Santa ranges all around the globe, even to some parts of the planet where angels fear to tread. Imagine the perils of delivering Christmas gifts to homes in Transylvania, under the ominous glow of a blood red moon, surrounded by dark, somber forests of twisted, leafless tree trunks silhouetted against the cold, snow-covered ground. Brrrr. That’s enough to make anyone’s egg nog freeze over.

Not to worry, we have it on good authority, courtesy of NORAD, that Santa Claus did indeed make it back to the North Pole safe and sound on Christmas day – or did he? Might he have had a close encounter along the way, with say, a werewolf? Even Santa Claus is not immune to the bite of a lycanthrope, and could be changing at this every moment into something not so jolly. Imagine a bloodthirsty werewolf with the magical powers of Santa Claus, and things could get a little, well interesting, to say the least.

So as you’re taking down your Christmas decorations, you might want to close the chimney flu, lock your doors and windows and be sure to hide the milk and cookies the next time a full moon rolls around, because Santa CLAWS might well be on the prowl!

This heartwarming seasonal tale brought to you by Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, wishing you and yours a Very Scary Holiday Season!

The Cutting Edge of Christmas

HoHoHOBetter watch out, better not cry…

Just run, run like Forest Gump, ’cause someone’s coming to Cutting Edge Haunted House and it’s not a jolly fat man!

Tis the season of fear and loathing, and all things creepy at the world’s longest walk-through haunted house in Fort Worth, Texas! It just wouldn’t be Christmas without creepy clowns, evil elves and maniacal chain-saw-wielding zombies, now would it?

If too much sickly sweet holiday cheer is giving you a toothache, then come on out to Cutting Edge and taste the dark side of the Yuletide! We’ve been bad. We’ve been very, very bad, and every one of our elves is on the naughty list. We’ve got Christmas spirits — lots and lots of evil Christmas spirits, and they’re just dying to jingle your bells.

It’s all happening this Saturday, December 12th, from 8 to 10 p.m. Buy your tickets online using the promotional code “Frosty” and pay just $19.95! That’s the best deal of the season — buy one for a friend! They’ll thank you at the top of their lungs as they run screaming through the dark Texas night. What’s more precious, after all, than the gift of fear?

Remember, Christmas comes but once a year, and so does Cutting Edge’s Nightscare Before Christmas, so get your tickets now while there’s still time! Ho, ho, ho — we’ll be waiting for you…

It’s a Very Scary Christmas

EvilSanta
Holiday blues got you down? Small wonder. Black Friday sales are over, and Thanksgiving is but a Pepto-Bismol coated bit of indigestion lingering in your mid-gut. What to do for fun? Put up Christmas lights? Much too dangerous, especially after you’ve been swilling eggnog spiked with Uncle Bubba’s special brand of greased lightning. Sing Christmas carols, decorate a tree, send out Christmas cards? Bah humbug. If all the sickly sweet yuletide sentiments are rotting away your soul, then we have just the thing to put the “holy crap!” back into your holiday: The Nightscare Before Christmas!

That’s right, Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas is opening once again for our annual Nightscare Before Christmas creepy crawly spooktacular extravaganza, on Saturday, December 12th from 8:00 to 10:00 p.m.

There’s nowhere to run to, Santa baby, and nowhere to hide, when the elves turn into zombies and break out the chainsaws. It’s madness and mayhem with a peppermint twist. So put down the cookies, fat man, and start running, because Rudolph’s sharpening his antlers and he’s got you in his sights.

That’s right, nothing screams Christmas like a good old fashioned slaying. So don’t delay — get your tickets online for this one-night-a-year special performance. Halloween may be over, but the 12th Night is coming….

Happy Holidays from Cutting Edge Haunted House

CEXmas

We at the Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas wish you and yours a very scary Christmas. And just so you don’t get too bored with all the sickly sweet sentiments, annoying Christmas carols and general tidings of good cheer, we’ve come up with a few suggestions to help you keep Halloween in your heart during these trying times.

Slip a tarantula into Aunt Martha’s stocking. Won’t she be surprised when she reaches in for a gift and comes out with a giant hairy spider instead! After all, nothing says Christmas like a blood-curdling scream!

Slip a piece of rotten meat into the base of the Christmas tree. That’ll do away with that cloying pine scent and make the whole house smell like a crime scene.

Put a wreath made of dead branches on your door. They’re readily available from any craft store. Only don’t put anything on it, except maybe some spider webs and a plastic spider.

Bring your Haunted House CD to your neighbor’s Christmas party, and when they’re not looking, swap it out for their “Bing Crosby Christmas” album.

Wrap up a goalie mask for little Susie. Don’t forget to put “From Jason” on the label. She’ll have nightmares for weeks!

Put red food coloring in a glass of eggnog and leave it for Santa, in lieu of milk and cookies. Tell the kids it’s blood, because Santa got turned into a vampire.

Use black wrapping paper for all of your presents, and instead of a bow, embellish each one with a “bloody” handprint using red poster paint. Now THAT’S festive!

Wear fake vampire teeth and smile broadly for all your Christmas pictures, especially opening gifts Christmas morning. And be sure to keep your camera ready for when Aunt Martha reaches into her stocking. One viral YouTube video could pay for all of the hospital bills!

Above all, remember to keep Halloween in your heart, always, and have a very scary Christmas!

NightScare Before Christmas a Smashing Success

NightScareBeforeChristmasIf you didn’t make it out to Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth for the NightScare Before Christmas, you missed one heck of a night. We’re still cleaning up the mess.

Shortly after midnight, the zombie marching band and the drum line got into a smackdown and there are drumsticks, instruments and body parts everywhere.

Santa’s evil elves got into the eggnog and proceeded to paint lewd graffiti all over the walls with DayGlo paint.

Some wascally wabbit went nuts and cranked up the bubble machine, and now the whole place is full of soap bubbles.

We’re not sure where the snakes are.

There are 13 cars left in the parking lot, so if you left without your car, please come back and get it. If you’re still here, please go home.

If you found a keychain with a skull on it that says Cutting Edge Front Door Key, please return it. We’d like to go home too.

And if you’re one of the people who have filed a missing persons report because a friend or relative hasn’t made it out yet, rest assured, we’ve got the cadaver dogs — I mean, sheriff’s deputies out searching the grounds.

If you had a great time, you’re welcome. If you left without pants, we’re sorry. If you’re still here, please go home.

We at Cutting Edge want to wish you a Very Scary Christmas!

13 Days of Christmas at Cutting Edge Haunted House

13DaysOfChristmas
On the first day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the second day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the third day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the fourth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the fifth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the sixth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the seventh day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the eighth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, eight goblins dancing, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the ninth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, nine zombies marching, eight goblins dancing, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the tenth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, ten monsters mashing, nine zombies marching, eight goblins dancing, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the eleventh day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, eleven mummies rapping, ten monsters mashing, nine zombies marching, eight goblins dancing, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — five evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the twelfth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, twelve ghouls a twerking, eleven mummies rapping, ten monsters mashing, nine zombies marching, eight goblins dancing, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the thirteenth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, thirteen people screaming, twelve ghouls a twerking, eleven mummies rapping, ten monsters mashing, nine zombies marching, eight goblins dancing, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

Come see the 13 Days of Christmas at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth this Saturday, December 13th from 8 to 10 p.m., at the Nightscare Before Christmas!

Because it just isn’t Christmas if nobody’s screaming...

10 Creepy Things You Might Not Know About Santa Claus

CEXmas

Better watch out — yes, indeed, you’d better watch out, it’s that time of year and the big man is coming to town. Before you get all agog with visions of dancing sugar plums, let us open your eyes to 10 creepy things you might not know about Santa Claus:

1. Santa wears red to cover up the bloodstains from all the naughty boys and girls.

2. If you feed Santa’s elves after midnight they will turn into evil gremlins.

3. Before Santa got the cute little reindeer, he had a team of giant Norway rats.

4. If Santa’s so rich and famous, how come he’s always hanging around outside the grocery store looking for a handout?

5. Is Santa really an anagram for Satan? Has anyone ever seen what’s really under that red hat?

6. There are more Santa impersonators than Elvis impersonators — and they all want you to sit on their lap. Now that’s disturbing!

7. What’s really in that bag he carries, and where is Mrs. Claus?

8. Santa has more aka’s than the shiftiest of confidence men.

9. Since the elves formed a union, all of Santa’s toys now come from a sweatshop in Honduras.

10. He sees you when you’re sleeping — ’nuff said!

Discover the dark, disturbing side of Christmas at Cutting Edge Haunted House’s Nightscare Before Christmas! This one-night only event takes place Saturday, December 13th from 8 to 10 p.m. Get your tickets online now and don’t miss out. Because nothing says Christmas like a bloodcurdling scream!

Happy Holidays from Cutting Edge

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Haunt,
All the creatures were grimacing, hungry and gaunt.
See Halloween was over, no more could they feed
On the many lost souls who came there to bleed.

Came to scream and to shout and to wail and to faint,
When they realized, in horror, it was blood and not paint!
For months they had preyed on these hapless visitors,
Those nosy, most curious and silly inquisitors.

But now in the stillness, all dark and quite silent,
Not even the Werewolves had the heart to be violent.
It was oh, so depressing, and really quite dismal,
The thought of the long winter break was abysmal,

It was pitiful enough to make a grown Zombie cry,
To make the undead just lay down and die.
No more bloodcurdling screams, no more shudders of fear,
No more nothing at all, through the end of the year.

Then quite suddenly, the silence was shattered
By a crash on the roof — boards splintered and tattered
And gave way with a groan, and who should appear,
But a jolly old elf, and eight tiny reindeer!

Having fallen four floors, from the roof to below,
The old fellow was shaken, and covered with snow.
He struggled to his feet and brushed himself off,
His red velvet cap, he proceeded to doff.

Merry Christmas! He said, as he bowed with a grin,
I hope you don’t mind that I let myself in.
Seems we’ve gotten quite lost, my reindeer and me.
Perhaps you could tell us, where exactly are we?

The Haunt came to life with a jolt and a stir,
Somewhere a chainsaw began to whir,
The Zombies, the werewolves, the goblins and ghouls
All awoke and surrounded the silly lost fools.

The Jolly elf’s face, all rosy and gay
Turned a good 12 shades paler, and became quite gray.
His eyes lost their twinkle, he shook and he shivered,
And all of his reindeer trembled and quivered.

Without a moment to lose, he hopped back in his sleigh,
Shouting “On Dasher, on Dancer – on all of you, away!”
Back out through the hole in the roof they did vanish,
In a jolly good state of unmistakable panic.

And that fear, and that panic, that terror and dread,
Gave such joy to the Zombies, as they shuffled back to bed,
That they spent the night dreaming of blood and foul play,
How they just couldn’t wait for St. Valentine’s Day!