Hardly Working at the Cutting Edge Haunted House

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Have you ever thought about working in a haunted house? Considered what it would be like to go to work every night and scare the pants off of people? If you love the smell of fear, the sound of terrified shrieks and the gratification of slipping in and out of the enveloping darkness, if you think Halloween should be every night of the year, then we have the job for you!

Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas is looking for a few good mummies — and ghouls, and zombies and maniacs, to round out their cast and crew for the season. Whether you delight in the spotlight or you’d rather lurk behind the scenes, creating wicked hair designs that would make Paul Mitchell positively shudder, and painting faces in a way Max Factor never conceived of, you can now be a part of this world famous house of horrors during the 2014 haunting season!

We’re looking for parking attendants, concessions and sales, security personnel, cashiers, stage managers, makeup artists, hair stylists, costumers, tech support and of course, actors and actresses with a talent for terror. Simply fill out an application online and get ready for the experience of a lifetime! You must be 16 years or older to apply, and applicants under 18 must have parental/guardian consent.

What do cast members think about working at Cutting Edge? Ray Don, or Big Ray as he’s known, has this to say: “When the show is running, it’s probably the best time of my year. It is so much fun. We have a blast!”

According to Head Makeup Artist and Set Designer Frances Woodruff, “This is like playtime every day, and this is what we do for a living.”

Makeup Artist Delena Williams calls it a “loving, dysfunctional family,” while Danger Dave says, “It’s like hanging out with my friends every day. How many people can say they get to go to work and hang out with their friends?”

“Chain Saw” Brent James enjoys being part of the “front line entertainment,” scaring patrons when they arrive in the parking lot, and when they’re waiting to use the restrooms. “What amazes me is, I’m out there with the parking lot lights on and everything, and people still manage to not see me,” he says. “They actually know I’m there, and they forget I’m there and get scared anyway.” It’s all part of his mission, to “give them a good time. That’s what it’s all about.”

Don’t wait — fill out the application today, because the Sneak Peak/Opening Night is just 37 days away!!!

Cutting Edge Denied Gold in Figure Skating

Coming on the heels of the painful decision by the Cutting Edge Zombie Bobsled Team to forego competing in Socchi due to heightened security measures, the Undead Delegation has suffered still another blow. Killer Wabbit, the team’s only entrant in Men’s Figure Skating has been struck from the competition for an allegedly “inappropriate outburst.”

The incident occurred during warm-ups, as the Canadian team was just leaving the ice. The Cutting Edge competitor reportedly leaped onto the ice shouting, “I’m going to eat you! I’m going to cut out your heart and feed it to the werewolves!”

A Cutting Edge spokesman who declined to be named explained, “It’s just friendly competition. He didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just trash talk, you know. It’s really kind of funny.”

The Canadian team, however, was not amused, and filed a complaint with the IOC.

“Trash talk or not, we have to take these things seriously,” said one official. “The Canadians are threatening to pull out of the competition. They say they’re in fear for their lives.”

“Trash talk my ass,” exclaimed one Canadian skater. “He was brandishing a giant meat cleaver when he said it!”

Cutting Edge’s spokesman explained that the meat cleaver was part of Killer Wabbit’s costume, and that the context would become clear during his performance. Unfortunately, it looks as though the public will never get to see Killer Wabbit’s routine.

“We just can’t allow this sort of behavior at the Olympics,” said the IOC official. “And we don’t understand how he got that meat cleaver through security.”

Ultimately, Killer Wabbit was disqualified from competing and asked to leave the venue, and the country. The meat cleaver was confiscated.

We caught up with Killer Wabbit as he was boarding a flight back to Fort Worth, and he had this to say:

“I did not have sex with that woman.”

Oh well, the good news is — it looks like Killer Wabbit will be back at the Cutting Edge just in time for the “Twisted Love” Valentine’s Day extravaganza!

Opening this Friday and Saturday night from 8 to 10 pm, Cutting Edge will be illuminated only by candlelight, and the whole place will be crawling with lovesick zombies, vampires, werewolves and even a Killer Wabbit!

Don’t delay — get your tickets online and save $5 by using the code “Twisted Love.” You’ll be kicking yourself if you miss this one! The Wabbit will have his Wevenge!

More Exciting than the Super Bowl!

If you thought this year’s Super Bowl was a blood bath, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! The cast and crew of Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth have been slaving away for many a sleepless night, getting the four-story fear factory ready for “Twisted Love,” a candlelight Valentine’s Day presentation. Get ready to explore the world’s longest walk-through haunted house, lit only by candlelight, for a twisted romantic alternative to more traditional Valentine’s Day snoozarama activities.

Cling tightly to your loved one (ooh, fun!) lest he or she be snatched by Zombies as you run screaming through the darkness, chased by lovesick vampires bearing ghoulish gifts of dead roses and fetid organ meat.

Don’t miss this very special Valentine’s Day opening, just two nights, Friday and Saturday, February 14 and 15, from 8 to 10 p.m. Get your tickets on line and save $5 when you use the code, “Twisted Love.” Unlike the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Super Bowl performance, the screams will be real and the music will be to die for!

Eat Your Heart Out Cupid!

Ah Valentine’s day, one of the most over-rated, over-hyped, over-commercialized holidays known to man! Few holidays trigger more anxiety in the male of the species than Cupid’s revenge, when no romantic gesture ever seems to be quite right in the eyes of the fairer sex, especially when there’s literally, no gesture at all…

Men, skip the flowers and candy this year and bring your date to the only place more romantic than a Texas slaughterhouse – an actual meatpacking plant on Hell’s Half Acre in Fort Worth!

Continue reading Eat Your Heart Out Cupid!