It’s a Very Scary Christmas

EvilSanta
Holiday blues got you down? Small wonder. Black Friday sales are over, and Thanksgiving is but a Pepto-Bismol coated bit of indigestion lingering in your mid-gut. What to do for fun? Put up Christmas lights? Much too dangerous, especially after you’ve been swilling eggnog spiked with Uncle Bubba’s special brand of greased lightning. Sing Christmas carols, decorate a tree, send out Christmas cards? Bah humbug. If all the sickly sweet yuletide sentiments are rotting away your soul, then we have just the thing to put the “holy crap!” back into your holiday: The Nightscare Before Christmas!

That’s right, Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas is opening once again for our annual Nightscare Before Christmas creepy crawly spooktacular extravaganza, on Saturday, December 12th from 8:00 to 10:00 p.m.

There’s nowhere to run to, Santa baby, and nowhere to hide, when the elves turn into zombies and break out the chainsaws. It’s madness and mayhem with a peppermint twist. So put down the cookies, fat man, and start running, because Rudolph’s sharpening his antlers and he’s got you in his sights.

That’s right, nothing screams Christmas like a good old fashioned slaying. So don’t delay — get your tickets online for this one-night-a-year special performance. Halloween may be over, but the 12th Night is coming….

Happy Holidays from Cutting Edge Haunted House

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We at the Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas wish you and yours a very scary Christmas. And just so you don’t get too bored with all the sickly sweet sentiments, annoying Christmas carols and general tidings of good cheer, we’ve come up with a few suggestions to help you keep Halloween in your heart during these trying times.

Slip a tarantula into Aunt Martha’s stocking. Won’t she be surprised when she reaches in for a gift and comes out with a giant hairy spider instead! After all, nothing says Christmas like a blood-curdling scream!

Slip a piece of rotten meat into the base of the Christmas tree. That’ll do away with that cloying pine scent and make the whole house smell like a crime scene.

Put a wreath made of dead branches on your door. They’re readily available from any craft store. Only don’t put anything on it, except maybe some spider webs and a plastic spider.

Bring your Haunted House CD to your neighbor’s Christmas party, and when they’re not looking, swap it out for their “Bing Crosby Christmas” album.

Wrap up a goalie mask for little Susie. Don’t forget to put “From Jason” on the label. She’ll have nightmares for weeks!

Put red food coloring in a glass of eggnog and leave it for Santa, in lieu of milk and cookies. Tell the kids it’s blood, because Santa got turned into a vampire.

Use black wrapping paper for all of your presents, and instead of a bow, embellish each one with a “bloody” handprint using red poster paint. Now THAT’S festive!

Wear fake vampire teeth and smile broadly for all your Christmas pictures, especially opening gifts Christmas morning. And be sure to keep your camera ready for when Aunt Martha reaches into her stocking. One viral YouTube video could pay for all of the hospital bills!

Above all, remember to keep Halloween in your heart, always, and have a very scary Christmas!

10 Creepy Things You Might Not Know About Santa Claus

CEXmas

Better watch out — yes, indeed, you’d better watch out, it’s that time of year and the big man is coming to town. Before you get all agog with visions of dancing sugar plums, let us open your eyes to 10 creepy things you might not know about Santa Claus:

1. Santa wears red to cover up the bloodstains from all the naughty boys and girls.

2. If you feed Santa’s elves after midnight they will turn into evil gremlins.

3. Before Santa got the cute little reindeer, he had a team of giant Norway rats.

4. If Santa’s so rich and famous, how come he’s always hanging around outside the grocery store looking for a handout?

5. Is Santa really an anagram for Satan? Has anyone ever seen what’s really under that red hat?

6. There are more Santa impersonators than Elvis impersonators — and they all want you to sit on their lap. Now that’s disturbing!

7. What’s really in that bag he carries, and where is Mrs. Claus?

8. Santa has more aka’s than the shiftiest of confidence men.

9. Since the elves formed a union, all of Santa’s toys now come from a sweatshop in Honduras.

10. He sees you when you’re sleeping — ’nuff said!

Discover the dark, disturbing side of Christmas at Cutting Edge Haunted House’s Nightscare Before Christmas! This one-night only event takes place Saturday, December 13th from 8 to 10 p.m. Get your tickets online now and don’t miss out. Because nothing says Christmas like a bloodcurdling scream!