Record-Setting Summer at Cutting Edge Haunted House

ZombiesAhead1Zombie APOC Army Sets Amazing New World Records

Here at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas, we’re no stranger to the concept of setting world records.

It’s widely known that everything is bigger in Texas, and as the holder of the Guinness Book of World Records title of longest walk-through haunted house, we’re rightfully fond of saying, “go big or go home.”

And so it’s no surprise that during the 2015 Zombie Summer, aka Zombie APOC Army, we have once again set some new, if unofficial and somewhat unorthodox firsts here at the old meatpacking plant on Lancaster Avenue. Here are just a few:

o  Most zombies under one roof at one time, ever.

o  Most zombies killed while eating an ice cream sandwich.

o  Most zombies blown away by girls wearing pink sneakers.

o  Most recorded instances of a man screaming like a little girl in one hour.

o  Most attempts to frag one’s own team members during a laser weapon competition.

o  Most times somebody yelled, “Die, Zombie, die!” in a 30-minute time span.

o  Most firefights within one square mile outside the set of a “Rambo” movie.

o  Most hits taken by one single zombie in one weekend (“One-Eyed Bob”)

And don’t forget the most important one, most fun had on a Saturday night with your clothes on!  Be sure to visit our Facebook page to see the scores of the winning teams!  And if you missed out on all the fun, hang in there — Halloween is on its way…

 

Top Ten Ways to Kill a Zombie

ZombieWithChainSawIt’s coming!  The Zombie Apocalypse is coming!. It’s just a matter of time, so for the uninitiated, we’ve come up with the top ten ways to kill a Zombie. Print it out and stick it on your fridge, so you’ll be ready!

10. Run them over with your car. It’s best to back into them, so you don’t risk damaging your engine and get stalled out like the ninnies in the movies. If you’re not good at backing, don’t worry, Zombies are slow moving targets, so you can just keep trying until you manage to squash him flat.

9. Slice one in half with a razor-sharp Japanese Samurai sword. This will look really cool and impress your girlfriend.

8. Cut off his head with a chain saw. Just remember to wear your personal protective equipment. Safety first!

7. Toss him in a wood chipper. Then you can use him to fertilize your lawn.

6. Pretend her head is a baseball and hit one out of the park with a very sturdy bat.

5. Douse him with gasoline and have a bonfire. Don’t forget the marshmallows!

4. Build a Zombie catapult and see if you can, actually, hit the side of a barn.

3. Cast her in a television soap opera and then kill off her character.

2. Tie him to a chair and force him to watch a marathon of “Keeping up wth the Kardashians.”

1. If you’re at Cutting Edge Haunted House this weekend, just shoot ’em in the head with your super high-tech laser rifle!

If you missed out on tickets to this weekend’s Zombie Apocalypse Live, we have it on good authority that the Zombies may be back for another session later this summer. Keep an eye on our Facebook page for more information!

Will Zombies Pay Taxes?

Benjamin Franklin famously said, “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” In thinking about this — today being the last day to timely file income taxes, and with the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse Live at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, we got to thinking, what about the UNdead. Do THEY have to pay taxes?

According to Law Professor Adam Chodorow, the United States Tax Code — and indeed the entire system of law in the U.S. is completely unprepared to deal with a full blown Zombie Apocalypse. The fatal flaw in the system hinges around the basic assumption that once one is dead, one ceases to exist for all eternity. We here at Cutting Edge know that that simply is not true.

In the event of a Zombie Apocalypse, as Professor Chodorow stresses, a large portion of the nation’s living taxpayers would be either killed or converted to Zombies. Accordingly, the government, already struggling mightily to remain fiscally viable, would immediately dissolve into chaos.

Clearly, then, there needs to be a system of taxation that includes Zombies, witches, vampires, ghosts and all other forms of undead beings, in order to help keep the country running smoothly in the event that we all turn into Zombies or vampires or whatever.

The problem here lies in the definition of undead verses deceased. Does a person die before they turn into a Zombie, in which case, should they be subject to a death tax? If they are undead, do they retain ownership of their estate?

Professor Chodorow does a deep dive into the fine details of the various tax laws and how they could or should be applied to Zombies and other undead beings, but to our thinking there’s an even bigger, more important question at hand. Do Zombies earn money? Sure, the independently wealthy might resort to deliberately becoming Zombies in order to exploit this gaping loophole in the tax code, but what about the rest of the population? Can Zombies hold jobs?

It doesn’t seem likely there would be a robust job market for Zombies. What kind of work could a Zombie do, after all? Forget anything that involves any sort of intelligence or reasoning skills. Maybe they could be a bouncer at nightclub, or a doorman or a bellhop. I’ve seen the occasional cab driver I thought was a Zombie. But even if there were jobs for Zombies, would they be willing to do them? Nevermind getting them to report to work in the first place, the first whiff of human scent and they’d walk off the job and go looking for brains to eat.

Even if we could tax Zombies, and they could hold down a job and figure out how to fill out an income tax form, it wouldn’t be of much help once the whole infrastructure became infested with Zombies. For instance, a Congress and Senate full of Zombies wouldn’t be able to develop and pass a federal budget… Hey, WAIT A MINUTE…

Adam Chodorow is a Law Professor at the Sandra Day O’Connor College of Law at Arizona State in Tempe, Arizona. Download his complete thesis at: http://www.law.asu.edu/portals/31/chodorow_death_taxes_zombies.pdf

And if you missed out on tickets to the Zombie Apocalypse Live at Cutting Edge Haunted House, you still have a chance to shoot Zombies at Thrillvania Haunted House Park on May 1st, 2nd and 3rd!

Zombie Apocalypse LIVE! at Cutting Edge Haunted House

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Help! The zombies are running amok at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas, and it’s up to YOU to stop them!

Get your tickets now for Zombie Apocalypse LIVE! April 24th, 25th and 26th and join the adventure!

You and your team will go on a mission to clear zombie-infested areas of a post-apocalyptic nightmare world. You’ll need to listen closely to your orders and rely on your wits and reflexes to sort the zombies from other survivalists. Pull the trigger of your state-of-the-art military-style training weapon and experience a live bang, recoil and muzzle flash. Aim for their heads! It’s the only way to kill them!

Zombies will be wearing cutting-edge head-shot targets that will flash to indicate a hit. But beware! Some zombies need to be hit more than once for a kill.

It’s Dawn of the Dead meets Rambo in this exclusive action-packed thriller and YOU are the star. Except there’s no retakes, no stunt doubles and no breaks in the action. It’s up to YOU to survive and bring your team out alive. Get your tickets now before they’re sold out! Then gather your posse and start putting together your best Walking Dead style post-apocalyptic survivalist clothing and gear! See you there!

Could There Be a Real Life Zombie Apocalypse?

Since the release of the renowned thriller, “Night of the Living Dead,” the zombie apocalypse concept, in which a global zombie infestation decimates the entire civilized world, has been a theme of many books, articles and movies.

In a zombie apocalypse, a widespread outbreak of zombie-ism threatens to destroy all human life.  Victims of zombies often themselves become zombies, causing the outbreak to spread exponentially.  Governments, military and law enforcement organizations are helpless to defend against the overwhelming plague, and the entire human society collapses, leaving only isolated pockets of non-zombie survivors, forced to scavenge for food and supplies in a hostile wilderness.

 Good story, but could it really happen?

While the internet is rife with examples in which scientists and laymen expound about the various viruses, parasites and drug-induced genetic mutations that could turn an entire population into mindless, rabid zombies, we at Cutting Edge Haunted House have another theory on how it will all go down.

It will all start quite innocently, with the introduction of a new form of breakfast cereal, made from genetically modified corn.  Designed to make the corn more resistant to small weevils known as billbugs, this corn will inadvertently activate a little known genetic receptor in the billbugs’ tiny brains, causing them to become incredibly voracious.  Ravenously seeking to devour everything in sight and oblivious to their own peril, the bugs will be inadvertently ground up into the corn, to be consumed by unwitting humans in the form of the new breakfast cereal.

ZombieApocalypseIn the human gut, the genetically modified billbug remnants will cause such considerable digestive distress that zombie-like customers, glassy-eyed and moaning in agony, will be lined up in droves outside every corner drug store, desperately seeking a dwindling supply of anti-diarrheal medicine.

A radical yet high-tech terrorist group will then seize upon the opportunity to incapacitate the world’s population, by ambushing emergency vehicles rushing supplies of antidiarrheal medicines to hospitals and drug stores everywhere.  These diabolical fiends will then switch the anti-diarrheal medicine with a new designer psychedelic drug called simply, Z.

Hopped up on Z, hordes of drug crazed, projectile vomiting, digestively-challenged zombie-like humans will be observed wandering the earth with a really bad case of the munchies, causing news stations everywhere to herald the arrival of the long dreaded zombie apocalypse.

Hey, it could happen.

 Don’t forget — Cutting Edge Opens August 30th at 8 pm!  BE THERE, or we’ll send our zombies after you!