Top 10 Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts

valentines-day-cutting-edge-2014 copyWondering what to get your sweetie pie for Valentine’s Day? Did you wait till the last minute? Oh no! Before you run out to the nearest convenience store to browse the seasonal aisle, here are a few items you should definitely avoid.

10. Scratch and win lottery tickets. Sure, the fantasy of possibly winning a fortune can briefly heat up the moment, but as soon as she’s done scratching, it’s a nothing but a big fat zero. And that’s what you’ll be getting from HER tonight.

9. A diamond ring keychain. Think you can hint at taking it to the next level without actually going there? Think again. While you’re at it, avoid any jewelry that comes in a ring-sized box that isn’t actually a ring.

8. A self-help book. This is not the occasion to suggest there is anything wrong with her that she needs help with. She just might help you right out the door. If you disregard our advice, at least make sure it’s a paperback so it won’t do as much damage when she throws it at you.

7. Pornography. This is a bad gift for so many reasons. Men, suffice it to say, you don’t want her comparing you to the studs in the flick. And gals, if you’re thinking of buying something smutty for your man, he’s probably already got a more extensive collection than you ever dreamed of.

6. Cooking utensils. Are you hinting she’s a bad cook, or too cheap to take her out to a fine dinner? Better make sure it’s not a set of knives…

5. Viagra. This is just downright humiliating, no matter which one gives it to the other. Think about it.

4. Facebook gifts — send her a Valentines Day present on Facebook and watch how quickly she changes her status.

3. A gym membership. This is 100 times worse than answering in the affirmative to “does this make me look fat?”

2. Lingerie. Guys, you can’t win. If it’s too big, she’ll accuse you of thinking she’s fat. If it’s too small, she’ll cry hysterically. Even if, by some miracle you choose the right size, she’ll think it makes some sort of insinuation about her virtuosity, or lack of it. Better not go there, but if you do, spend the money for some silk. Cheap nylon panties cause yeast infections.

1. Spanx. Okay, are you just a complete moron?

So what should you do? Don’t panic. It’s not too late. Show your sweetie-pie some Twisted Love at Cutting Edge Haunted House, open Friday, Saturday and Sunday from 8 to 10 p.m. After all, what’s more romantic than a candelight romp through a meat-packing plant, being chased by a horde of blood-thirsty zombies? Buy your tickets online and get $5 off with the code “Rose.” Guaranteed to get your blood pumping!

Cutting Edge to Open for Valentine’s Day!

VD12016Fort Worth’s Cutting Edge Haunted House will open Saturday and Sunday, February 13 and 14th from 8 to 10 p.m. for some Valentine’s Day shenanigans.

Christmas is over but the bills have just started coming in, and you’re still reeling from the season of sweet confections; cookies, cakes and pies, not to mention all the chocolates and candy canes. Instead of giving your sweetheart still more sugar for Valentine’s Day, why not treat her to an hour of blood-curdling cardio at Cutting Edge Haunted House!

Nothing gets the heart racing like a lovesick zombie, wielding a box of chocolates in one hand and a chain saw in the other. She’ll cling to you like a wet T-shirt as you run the gauntlet together, dodging fresh horrors around every corner while your hearts pound in sweet synchronicity.

Make memories of a lifetime as you stumble through more than a mile of madness in the world’s longest walk-through haunted house, illuminated only by candle light for the perfect touch of Valentine’s Day ambiance. Just imagine the calories you’ll burn!

For a romantic candlelight evening she’ll never forget, get your tickets now for Valentine’s Day weekend at the Cutting Edge Haunted House! After all, there’s a fine line between romance and terror…

Top 10 Zombie New Year’s Resolutions

CENewYearsIt’s New Year’s Eve, and all around the world, zombies are busy making plans for what to do better in the New Year — how to be healthier, happier, scarier, all the important things that zombies have on their worm-eaten brains. Here at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, we polled our zombies to come up with the top 10 zombie resolutions for 2016, and here they are:

10. Eat more brains, and less cats.

9. Get more cardio “shuffling to the oldies” with Richard Simmons.

8. Use public transit more frequently, and leave the hearse at home.

7. Buy “Energy Star” rated chainsaws to protect the environment.

6. Quit smoking brains — eat ’em raw!

5. Spend more time reading and less time watching the Kardashians.

4. Learn a new language — maybe English.

3. Update wardrobe with fresh bloodstains.

2. Spend more quality time with fellow zombies.

1. Scare the living daylights out of as many people as possible in 2016!

Happy New Year, America, and we look forward to frightening you again in 2016! We’ll leave the lights out for you…

The Cutting Edge of Christmas

HoHoHOBetter watch out, better not cry…

Just run, run like Forest Gump, ’cause someone’s coming to Cutting Edge Haunted House and it’s not a jolly fat man!

Tis the season of fear and loathing, and all things creepy at the world’s longest walk-through haunted house in Fort Worth, Texas! It just wouldn’t be Christmas without creepy clowns, evil elves and maniacal chain-saw-wielding zombies, now would it?

If too much sickly sweet holiday cheer is giving you a toothache, then come on out to Cutting Edge and taste the dark side of the Yuletide! We’ve been bad. We’ve been very, very bad, and every one of our elves is on the naughty list. We’ve got Christmas spirits — lots and lots of evil Christmas spirits, and they’re just dying to jingle your bells.

It’s all happening this Saturday, December 12th, from 8 to 10 p.m. Buy your tickets online using the promotional code “Frosty” and pay just $19.95! That’s the best deal of the season — buy one for a friend! They’ll thank you at the top of their lungs as they run screaming through the dark Texas night. What’s more precious, after all, than the gift of fear?

Remember, Christmas comes but once a year, and so does Cutting Edge’s Nightscare Before Christmas, so get your tickets now while there’s still time! Ho, ho, ho — we’ll be waiting for you…

Walk Like a Zombie

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From Phoenix to Fayetteville, Zombie Walks continue to entice die-hard living dead/Walking Dead fans into getting out and enjoying some fresh air — and brains, zombie style.

Zombie walks originated in North America shortly after the turn of the century, with the earliest one being hastily assembled at the Gen Con gaming convention in August of 2000. It was actually more of a flash mob with around 60 participants, that was organized to poke fun at Vampire: The Masquerade LARPers who were monopolizing the convention.

As zombie movies became more popular, so did zombie walks, as well as zombie fests and other zombie related events. Let’s face it, this country just loves their zombies!

In downtown Phoenix, the annual Zombie Walk has been luring teeming masses of zombie fans to Heritage & Science Park every fall for six years now. The event has attracted upwards of 20,000 people in recent years, some 15,000 of them in costume.

Starting at sundown, the walk covers a whopping 1.5 miles of downtown Phoenix, serenaded by live bands and lined with food and drink vendors. While 1-1/2 miles might not seem much of a distance for you marathon runners, at a zombie’s pace, well let’s just say you’ve got time for a few beers along the way.

Over in Fayetteville, North Carolina, a similar event takes place every October on the weekend before Halloween. Starting at the Headquarter Library at 7:45 p.m., the zombies parade down Maiden Lane through the streets of downtown Fayetteville to the corner of Hay Street and Ray Avenue, where they can chill and rock out to some cool zombie style live rock music.

In fact, zombie walks are going on all across the country, in Portland, Oregon, Rochester, New York, Fort Collins, Colorado, Orlando, Florida, Rome, Georgia and even in the nation’s capital. In good old New York, New York, aka party town, they’re calling it a “Zombie Crawl.”

If you can’t find a zombie walk in your neighborhood, don’t despair. We’ve got more zombies than you could shake shstick at! Come on down to Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas and crawl, walk or run through Zombie Central! Open every night through November 1st — get your tickets on line and save some zombie bucks!

Countdown to Halloween: Just 3 days!!!

How Long do Zombies Live? Ask Igor!

AskIgorAt Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, we consider ourselves to be subject matter experts on all things supernatural. From ghosts and goblins to werewolves and wicked witches, we’ve had experience with all kinds of spooky beings and paranormal phenomenon. So we are proud to offer up our resident Master of the Macabre, Igor, to answer your questions on the subject.

Our question for this week was sent in by Silly Sally from Selman City, and she asks, “How long do zombies live?” Take it away, Igor!

Well Sally, that’s kind of a trick question, since zombies aren’t actually alive in the first place. They’re not quite dead, either. What they are is undead, and in that state they tend to stumble around for quite a while, frightening people and eating their brains. So what I’m guessing you really want to know is, how long can a zombie be undead before he becomes just plain old dead?

There are a lot of things that factor into this equation, Sally, including decomposition. While a zombie doesn’t decompose as quickly as someone who’s just plain dead, his flesh does eventually rot away, depending on things like temperature, humidity, and insect activity. Accordingly, a zombie in a tropical region might only last a few weeks, while one in Alaska could keep going for decades.

Then there’s the matter of sustenance. A zombie does not live on bread alone, after all. Actually, zombies don’t eat bread, they eat brains. Consuming the brains of living creatures is what gives a zombie his life force — or death force — or undeath force — whatever. If a zombie can’t find brains to devour, he loses his mojo, and will eventually turn into a door stop. No brains no brawn.

The last thing to consider is the amount of physical damage inflicted on the zombie. A zombie who’s had his head blown off may only stumble around for a few hours, while I’ve personally seen zombies hop around on one leg for weeks at a time. A zombie with missing limbs, however, is usually somewhat compromised in his ability to capture prey, and without a fresh supply of brains, once again, we’re talking doorstop city.

So, I guess the answer to your question then, Sally, is — it depends. And no, we’re not talking about incontinence here. That’s another subject entirely.

Are you off your rocker with supernatural infestations? Got bats in your belfry? Send your quizzical queries to Ask Igor! And be sure to provide a home address, so my friends and I can drop in for a bite!

And if you want to see a whole herd of zombies up close and personal, come on down to Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth — We’ll leave the lights out for you…

Countdown to Halloween: 31 days!

Record-Setting Summer at Cutting Edge Haunted House

ZombiesAhead1Zombie APOC Army Sets Amazing New World Records

Here at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas, we’re no stranger to the concept of setting world records.

It’s widely known that everything is bigger in Texas, and as the holder of the Guinness Book of World Records title of longest walk-through haunted house, we’re rightfully fond of saying, “go big or go home.”

And so it’s no surprise that during the 2015 Zombie Summer, aka Zombie APOC Army, we have once again set some new, if unofficial and somewhat unorthodox firsts here at the old meatpacking plant on Lancaster Avenue. Here are just a few:

o  Most zombies under one roof at one time, ever.

o  Most zombies killed while eating an ice cream sandwich.

o  Most zombies blown away by girls wearing pink sneakers.

o  Most recorded instances of a man screaming like a little girl in one hour.

o  Most attempts to frag one’s own team members during a laser weapon competition.

o  Most times somebody yelled, “Die, Zombie, die!” in a 30-minute time span.

o  Most firefights within one square mile outside the set of a “Rambo” movie.

o  Most hits taken by one single zombie in one weekend (“One-Eyed Bob”)

And don’t forget the most important one, most fun had on a Saturday night with your clothes on!  Be sure to visit our Facebook page to see the scores of the winning teams!  And if you missed out on all the fun, hang in there — Halloween is on its way…

 

Top Ten Ways to Kill a Zombie

ZombieWithChainSawIt’s coming!  The Zombie Apocalypse is coming!. It’s just a matter of time, so for the uninitiated, we’ve come up with the top ten ways to kill a Zombie. Print it out and stick it on your fridge, so you’ll be ready!

10. Run them over with your car. It’s best to back into them, so you don’t risk damaging your engine and get stalled out like the ninnies in the movies. If you’re not good at backing, don’t worry, Zombies are slow moving targets, so you can just keep trying until you manage to squash him flat.

9. Slice one in half with a razor-sharp Japanese Samurai sword. This will look really cool and impress your girlfriend.

8. Cut off his head with a chain saw. Just remember to wear your personal protective equipment. Safety first!

7. Toss him in a wood chipper. Then you can use him to fertilize your lawn.

6. Pretend her head is a baseball and hit one out of the park with a very sturdy bat.

5. Douse him with gasoline and have a bonfire. Don’t forget the marshmallows!

4. Build a Zombie catapult and see if you can, actually, hit the side of a barn.

3. Cast her in a television soap opera and then kill off her character.

2. Tie him to a chair and force him to watch a marathon of “Keeping up wth the Kardashians.”

1. If you’re at Cutting Edge Haunted House this weekend, just shoot ’em in the head with your super high-tech laser rifle!

If you missed out on tickets to this weekend’s Zombie Apocalypse Live, we have it on good authority that the Zombies may be back for another session later this summer. Keep an eye on our Facebook page for more information!

Will Zombies Pay Taxes?

Benjamin Franklin famously said, “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” In thinking about this — today being the last day to timely file income taxes, and with the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse Live at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, we got to thinking, what about the UNdead. Do THEY have to pay taxes?

According to Law Professor Adam Chodorow, the United States Tax Code — and indeed the entire system of law in the U.S. is completely unprepared to deal with a full blown Zombie Apocalypse. The fatal flaw in the system hinges around the basic assumption that once one is dead, one ceases to exist for all eternity. We here at Cutting Edge know that that simply is not true.

In the event of a Zombie Apocalypse, as Professor Chodorow stresses, a large portion of the nation’s living taxpayers would be either killed or converted to Zombies. Accordingly, the government, already struggling mightily to remain fiscally viable, would immediately dissolve into chaos.

Clearly, then, there needs to be a system of taxation that includes Zombies, witches, vampires, ghosts and all other forms of undead beings, in order to help keep the country running smoothly in the event that we all turn into Zombies or vampires or whatever.

The problem here lies in the definition of undead verses deceased. Does a person die before they turn into a Zombie, in which case, should they be subject to a death tax? If they are undead, do they retain ownership of their estate?

Professor Chodorow does a deep dive into the fine details of the various tax laws and how they could or should be applied to Zombies and other undead beings, but to our thinking there’s an even bigger, more important question at hand. Do Zombies earn money? Sure, the independently wealthy might resort to deliberately becoming Zombies in order to exploit this gaping loophole in the tax code, but what about the rest of the population? Can Zombies hold jobs?

It doesn’t seem likely there would be a robust job market for Zombies. What kind of work could a Zombie do, after all? Forget anything that involves any sort of intelligence or reasoning skills. Maybe they could be a bouncer at nightclub, or a doorman or a bellhop. I’ve seen the occasional cab driver I thought was a Zombie. But even if there were jobs for Zombies, would they be willing to do them? Nevermind getting them to report to work in the first place, the first whiff of human scent and they’d walk off the job and go looking for brains to eat.

Even if we could tax Zombies, and they could hold down a job and figure out how to fill out an income tax form, it wouldn’t be of much help once the whole infrastructure became infested with Zombies. For instance, a Congress and Senate full of Zombies wouldn’t be able to develop and pass a federal budget… Hey, WAIT A MINUTE…

Adam Chodorow is a Law Professor at the Sandra Day O’Connor College of Law at Arizona State in Tempe, Arizona. Download his complete thesis at: http://www.law.asu.edu/portals/31/chodorow_death_taxes_zombies.pdf

And if you missed out on tickets to the Zombie Apocalypse Live at Cutting Edge Haunted House, you still have a chance to shoot Zombies at Thrillvania Haunted House Park on May 1st, 2nd and 3rd!

Zombie Apocalypse LIVE! at Cutting Edge Haunted House

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Help! The zombies are running amok at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas, and it’s up to YOU to stop them!

Get your tickets now for Zombie Apocalypse LIVE! April 24th, 25th and 26th and join the adventure!

You and your team will go on a mission to clear zombie-infested areas of a post-apocalyptic nightmare world. You’ll need to listen closely to your orders and rely on your wits and reflexes to sort the zombies from other survivalists. Pull the trigger of your state-of-the-art military-style training weapon and experience a live bang, recoil and muzzle flash. Aim for their heads! It’s the only way to kill them!

Zombies will be wearing cutting-edge head-shot targets that will flash to indicate a hit. But beware! Some zombies need to be hit more than once for a kill.

It’s Dawn of the Dead meets Rambo in this exclusive action-packed thriller and YOU are the star. Except there’s no retakes, no stunt doubles and no breaks in the action. It’s up to YOU to survive and bring your team out alive. Get your tickets now before they’re sold out! Then gather your posse and start putting together your best Walking Dead style post-apocalyptic survivalist clothing and gear! See you there!

Are You Afraid of Friday the 13th?

Top 10 Reasons Why Cutting Edge Haunted House is the Safest Place to Be this Friday the 13th

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If you’re inclined at all to be superstitious, you’re probably feeling a little anxious about the upcoming occurrence of Friday the 13th this weekend.  You’ve got paraskavidekatriaphobia, or fear of Friday the 13th; what should you do?  Should you call in sick to work?  That might get you fired, and that WOULD be unlucky.  Should you carry a lucky rabbit’s foot, wear your lucky underwear, carry a salt shaker, eat a clove of garlic for breakfast?  Sure, why not do all those things — except the garlic might be a little beyond the pale, but the rest won’t hurt.  But come nightfall, rather than hiding under your bed and waiting for the bell to toll midnight, we’d like to tell you why Cutting Edge Haunted House is the safest place you could spend your evening on Friday the 13th.  He’s our top ten reasons:

10.  No black cats, ladders to walk under, mirrors to break or cracks to step on.

9.  Our mummies all wear OSHA-approved fire-retardant wraps.

8.  Monsta Hearse has monsta-sized airbags.

7.  Our werewolves get annual rabies and distemper vaccinations.

6.  All of our zombies undergo regular chainsaw safety training.

5.  No faulty flight controls, exploding oxygen tanks or snoozing pilots involved.

4.  Likelihood of a tsunami: zero.

3.   No lead-based paint or Chinese drywall used on the premises.

2.  No one will shoot you for making too much noise or throwing popcorn.

1.  Studies show that 77% of accident-related injuries happen in the home, so GET OUT OF THERE! Save yourself, and come on down to Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, where we take every precaution before SCARING YOU TO DEATH!

 

 

Shake, Rattle and Roll at the Cutting Edge

Well, it’s been nearly a month since the NightScare Before Christmas, and already the natives grow restless at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas. In an effort to keep busy, some of the zombies put together a musical quartet, and are polishing up their act with the hopes of competing on American Idol or America’s Got Talent. Unfortunately, zombies can’t count.

The Cutting Edge Zombie Quartet -- Zombies Cant Count!
The Cutting Edge Zombie Quartet — Zombies Cant Count!

Not all zombies have musical talent, however (okay, not really any, but don’t let on), so the “jocks” of the zombie population organized a scratch football team, and have been hosting some local contenders from around the Dallas-Fort Worth area.

Things were going well for the team from Cutting Edge, known as The Blocking Dead, and so last week they went on the road for some away games against the True Bloodsuckers in Irving.

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Unfortunately, sportsmanlike conduct quickly went the way of the unbiased news report, with the True Bloodsuckers complaining that the Blocking Dead were bloodless, leaving them feeling dried out and dehydrated. The Blocking Dead, in turned, quickly tired of the Bloodsuckers turning into bats and flying away with the ball. After the Blocking Dead resorted to lighting the ball on fire, all hell broke loose and that’s when the earthquakes started.

For the record, Cutting Edge Haunted House categorically denies any connection whatsoever to the mysterious series of tremors experienced in the Irving area that just coincidentally occurred while their zombie football team was visiting.

Fortunately, the first Friday the 13th of 2015 is but five weeks away, on February the 13th. Hmm, sounds like a joint Friday the 13th, Valentine’s Day Extravaganza at the Cutting Edge. Is it possible? Check back and find out!

 

Top 10 Zombie New Year’s Resolutions for 2015

TOP10 copyContrary to popular belief, New Year’s resolutions are not just for the living. The undead, including zombies, also have a desire to improve their lot in life, and although they seldom keep them, they do come up with goals for the New Year, just like the rest of us. And what are the most popular New Year’s resolutions for a zombie? Here at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, we took a survey of our resident zombie population and came up with our last top 10 list of 2014. And here they are, the top 10 zombie New Year’s resolutions:

10. Eat less brains. Brains are high in cholesterol, and even zombies are prone to clogged arteries. Ever try getting a triple bypass when you’re already dead?

9. Keep the chainsaw oiled. Can’t have the thing jamming up when you’re hacking somebody up, after all.

8. Stay out of the bubble room. The soap bubbles (temporarily) wash away that exquisite aroma of decomposing flesh.

7. Eat more white meat. We zombies have to watch our weight, too. Eat less brains and fat, more lean protein, particularly cats, the other white meat.

6. Get TiVo, so we stop missing new episodes of The Walking Dead.

5. Hit the gym and pump some iron. Those chainsaws are heavy, and by the end of the night our arms are killing us!

4. Take up yoga. Scaring the crap out of people night after night can be very stressful. Yoga is a great way to relax and decompose — I mean, decompress…

3. Get a makeover. Even zombies like to change things up every once in a while. You know, some new threads, maybe a haircut and some new makeup.

2. Clean out the closets. Between the bats, the spiders, the snakes and the evil clowns, the closets at Cutting Edge are just packed to the gills.

1. Quit smoking, drinking and chasing women. Nah — just kidding! That’s the best part about being undead!

Whatever your goals are for 2015, we at Cutting Edge wish you a fruitful and productive New Year. Or, just do like the rest of us and blow it off in a couple of weeks…

13 Days of Christmas at Cutting Edge Haunted House

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On the first day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the second day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the third day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the fourth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the fifth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the sixth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the seventh day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the eighth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, eight goblins dancing, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the ninth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, nine zombies marching, eight goblins dancing, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the tenth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, ten monsters mashing, nine zombies marching, eight goblins dancing, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the eleventh day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, eleven mummies rapping, ten monsters mashing, nine zombies marching, eight goblins dancing, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — five evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the twelfth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, twelve ghouls a twerking, eleven mummies rapping, ten monsters mashing, nine zombies marching, eight goblins dancing, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

On the thirteenth day of Christmas I saw at Cutting Edge, thirteen people screaming, twelve ghouls a twerking, eleven mummies rapping, ten monsters mashing, nine zombies marching, eight goblins dancing, seven chainsaws roaring, six creepy drummers — fiiive evil clowns — four werewolves, three dinosaurs, two anacondas and a giant scary monster truck hearse.

Come see the 13 Days of Christmas at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth this Saturday, December 13th from 8 to 10 p.m., at the Nightscare Before Christmas!

Because it just isn’t Christmas if nobody’s screaming...

How to Tell if There’s a Zombie at Your Thanksgiving Dinner

You plan the perfect holiday meal, with a golden brown roast turkey and all the trimmings, invite all your friends and relatives and anticipate spending an afternoon feasting, laughing and making merry. And then a zombie goes and ruins it all by acting out and behaving badly, as zombies are wont to do. So how’s a Martha-Stewart-wannabe to know if there’s a zombie at your Thanksgiving dinner? Here are a few clues:

1. When you ask if he wants white meat or dark, he says “I prefer grey matter.” (Wait a minute, zombies can’t talk!)

2. He smears cranberry sauce all over his face and it looks eerily like blood.

3. You offer him a drumstick and he tries to beat you over the head with it.

4. He has a fixed, “1000-yard-stare.” (Check his I.D. — could just be a teenager.)

5. You try to make small talk and he just grunts. (We told you, zombies can’t talk.)

6. Whenever he enters the room, the pleasant aroma of roasting turkey is replaced by the odor of rotting flesh.

7. Instead of flowers or wine, he brings a chainsaw.

8. He’s the only one that didn’t come in a car.

9. He goes outside for some fresh air and your dog mysteriously goes missing.

10. After all the other guests are full, you find him rummaging in your refrigerator looking for some raw meat.

If your Thanksgiving meal does get ruined by a zombie, don’t despair. Just go online and get tickets to Cutting Edge Haunted House’s Nightscare Before Christmas one-night-only spectacular event on Saturday, December 13th. After all, as they say: If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!

 

And So It Begins…

Fort Worth, Texas

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It’s here!  It’s here!

The 2014 Haunting Season officially kicked off last Saturday, when Cutting Edge Haunted House opened for a Sneak Peek presentation, drawing hordes of rabid fans from all across the country.

The festivities kicked off with the Zombie Marching Band playing a lively funeral dirge, while Cutting Edge’s Monster Hearse trolled the parking lot looking for fresh corpses. A vengeful band of evil clowns raced through the crowd brandishing chain saws, while slow-moving zombies lurked near the porta-potties, searching for a snack.

And throughout the night, the voodoo-cursed Zombie Drumline beat a relentless post-apocalyptic tattoo with drumsticks carved from human bone, as they strode through the crowd in a mesmerizing, death-like trance.

Emergency rescue personnel stood by with resuscitation equipment at the ready, but fortunately, no one was actually scared to death, although some were scared straight, scared silly, scared stiff and even scared out of their minds, requiring admission to nearby Mesa Springs Hospital for mental health evaluations.

Over two dozen attendees are still unaccounted for. Hey, it was a long, hungry summer…

All in all, a good time was had by everyone who made it out alive, and for those that didn’t, (burp), thanks. We needed that.

If you missed all the fun last week, it’s not too late to get tickets for the encore performance this Saturday, September 6 from 8 to 10 p.m.! Because, after all, fans are like Chinese food — a week after you eat some, you get hungry for more…

 

Could There Be a Real Life Zombie Apocalypse?

Since the release of the renowned thriller, “Night of the Living Dead,” the zombie apocalypse concept, in which a global zombie infestation decimates the entire civilized world, has been a theme of many books, articles and movies.

In a zombie apocalypse, a widespread outbreak of zombie-ism threatens to destroy all human life.  Victims of zombies often themselves become zombies, causing the outbreak to spread exponentially.  Governments, military and law enforcement organizations are helpless to defend against the overwhelming plague, and the entire human society collapses, leaving only isolated pockets of non-zombie survivors, forced to scavenge for food and supplies in a hostile wilderness.

 Good story, but could it really happen?

While the internet is rife with examples in which scientists and laymen expound about the various viruses, parasites and drug-induced genetic mutations that could turn an entire population into mindless, rabid zombies, we at Cutting Edge Haunted House have another theory on how it will all go down.

It will all start quite innocently, with the introduction of a new form of breakfast cereal, made from genetically modified corn.  Designed to make the corn more resistant to small weevils known as billbugs, this corn will inadvertently activate a little known genetic receptor in the billbugs’ tiny brains, causing them to become incredibly voracious.  Ravenously seeking to devour everything in sight and oblivious to their own peril, the bugs will be inadvertently ground up into the corn, to be consumed by unwitting humans in the form of the new breakfast cereal.

ZombieApocalypseIn the human gut, the genetically modified billbug remnants will cause such considerable digestive distress that zombie-like customers, glassy-eyed and moaning in agony, will be lined up in droves outside every corner drug store, desperately seeking a dwindling supply of anti-diarrheal medicine.

A radical yet high-tech terrorist group will then seize upon the opportunity to incapacitate the world’s population, by ambushing emergency vehicles rushing supplies of antidiarrheal medicines to hospitals and drug stores everywhere.  These diabolical fiends will then switch the anti-diarrheal medicine with a new designer psychedelic drug called simply, Z.

Hopped up on Z, hordes of drug crazed, projectile vomiting, digestively-challenged zombie-like humans will be observed wandering the earth with a really bad case of the munchies, causing news stations everywhere to herald the arrival of the long dreaded zombie apocalypse.

Hey, it could happen.

 Don’t forget — Cutting Edge Opens August 30th at 8 pm!  BE THERE, or we’ll send our zombies after you!

Cutting Edge Puts the Dead in “Dead End”

Did you ever wonder where the term “dead end” comes from? When you see that yellow diamond-shaped sign with the harsh black lettering, do you feel a chill run down your spine and wonder if perhaps you might actually perish if you were to venture down that path?

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Perhaps because of its sinister connotations, dead end has been a popular name for plays, movies, cartoons and even an Android app available on Google Play.

Dead End was the title of a play about 1930’s Manhattan and the juxtaposition of lush highrise apartments and the poor street thugs who roamed the pavements below. Sidney King’s Broadway play was later made into a popular movie by the same name, debuting a young Humphrey Bogart.

The latest movie to go by that name is a 2003 horror flick about a hapless man who makes an unfortunate choice of shortcuts on his way to the in-laws house with the family on Christmas Eve.

A dead end street is often called a “cul-de-sac,” a French term which literally translates to “bottom of a bag.”

In ancient Athens and Rome, dead end streets were used for defense purposes, where an unwitting invasion force could be trapped and annihilated.

Later civilizations used dead-ends or cul-de-sacs to keep outside traffic from using residential neighborhoods as a cut-through.

In modern times, the term dead end has social connotations, i.e.: “Permitting no opportunity for advancement, as in a dead end job.”

At Cutting Edge Haunted House, our many dead ends are havens for the undead. They’re favorite hiding places for zombies, ghouls and chainsaw-wielding maniacs. They’re full of spiders, snakes, creepy-crawlies and just plain creeps. Be very, very careful not to wander into a dead end at Cutting Edge, because not only is there no outlet, there’s no way out!

Just 47 days till the August 30 Sneak Peak!

Cutting Edge Hosts World Cup Soccer Match

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The Zombies and the Evil Clowns faced off yesterday in Cutting Edge’s first ever World Cup Soccer Monster Match. In what will surely go down in history as the world’s most interesting soccer game, two well-matched teams took the field and let it all hang out.

In fact, play had to be stopped several times while officials removed excess body parts from the playing field.

With just 10 men on the pitch, the Evil Clowns found themselves at a distinct disadvantage, despite the Zombies’ clear lack of motility. The Zombies were the first to get on the scoresheet, with a powerful surge down the field that mowed down everyone and everything in their way. After a replacement referee was found, play resumed at a punishing tempo.

A foul was called against the Zombies when Zombie Midfielder Igor the Aggressor allegedly took a bite out of Evil Clown Defender Shaco the Demon Jester. The Evil Clowns won a free kick and used Igor’s head as the ball, firing a low cross into the box, goal Evil Clowns.

Despite the Zombies’ initial momentum, the veteran team seemed to crack under pressure in the second half, leaving fetid bits of flesh all over the field. Smelling victory, the Evil Clowns managed to rally and finish the game two goals ahead. What a disaster for the Zombies, who looked dead and buried at the finish.

It’s hard to describe the palpable excitement that pulsed through the crowd as the Evil Clowns did their victory dance on Cutting Edge’s “Back 40” soccer field, with chainsaws roaring, werewolves howling and the Zombie Marching Band playing a lively funeral dirge. Only in Fort Worth, Texas, at Cutting Edge Haunted House could such a remarkable grudge match take place.

The Zombies, Evil Clowns and the rest are just killing time, so to speak, till August 30th, when Cutting Edge opens its doors for a Sneak Peak, officially kicking off the 2014 haunting season. That’s just 61 days from now, so don’t hold your breath — yet, but do hold the date open and be ready for the scare of your life!

Keep checking back as we countdown to the throwdown!

Countdown to Opening Night: 71 Days!

Halloween is still 133 days away, but don’t despair: Cutting Edge Haunted House will be opening up for a “Sneak Peek” on Saturday, August 30 – just 71 days from now!

That sneak peek will officially kick off the haunting season in Fort Worth, home of the World’s Longest Walk-Through Haunted House, followed by 26 more nights of thrills, chills and frightfully delightful entertainment.

So put a big red X on your calendar on August 30 this year. Cameron Diaz will turn 42 on that day, and Anne-Marie, titular Queen of Greece will turn 68. Happy birthday, ladies!

Historical events of note on August 30: Nazi Germany annexed Luxembourg in 1942, Hurricane Carol struck Long Island and Connecticut in 1954, killing 72 and causing $462 million in damage, and President Jimmy Carter was attacked by a killer rabbit while on a fishing trip in Georgia in 1979. Apparently the unfortunate creature leapt into the water in order to escape a pack of hounds, and swam toward the President’s boat in a panic. The Commander-in-Chief fended off the would-be attacker with a paddle and the rabbit swam away, but not before being captured on film by a White House photographer.

According to former Press Secretary Jody Powell: “The animal was clearly in distress, or perhaps berserk. The President confessed to having had limited experience with enraged rabbits. He was unable to reach a definite conclusion about its state of mind. What was obvious, however, was that this large, wet animal, making strange hissing noises and gnashing its teeth, was intent upon climbing into the Presidential boat.”

Wabbit

Here at Cutting Edge, we know all about killer rabbits!

So remember to keep Halloween in your heart always, and just hang on for 71 more days. You can do it. Stock up on horror flicks on DVD, put plenty of ketchup on your French fries, pretend that Grandpa is really a zombie and practice screaming at the top of your lungs in a dark closet. The time will seem to fly by, and before you know it, you’ll be screaming for real as you race through the Cutting Edge with a chainsaw-wielding maniac slashing at your back!

Have a Howling Good Time at the Cutting Edge

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If the boss has been on your back at work, your better half has been salting your Cheerios, the roof is leaking, the washing machine’s broke, the car is making funny noises, your dog ran away and you just can’t shake the feeling that the universe is out to get you lately, then shake it all off and come out to the Cutting Edge Friday night to howl at the moon!

That’s right, the only Friday the 13th in 2014 coincides with June’s full moon, and the Cutting Edge is going all out with a Howl at the Moon party that’s guaranteed to make you forget the rest of the year so far. There’ll be werewolves and vampires, zombies and ghouls and more scary clowns than you can shake a chainsaw at, not to mention awesome music and mind-blowing special effects to beat the zombie marching band.

This is your chance to shake a fist at the universe, let your hair down, put your head back and howl at the moon like it’s 2049, which is the next time we’ll see a full moon on a Friday the 13th! So hide all the mirrors, stuff a handful of salt and a lucky rabbits foot into your pockets, scarf a garlic meatball sub and boogie on down to the Cutting Edge this Friday night for the greatest fearfest Fort Worth has ever seen. If you miss this one, you’ll have to wait another 35 years, and the Cutting Edge isn’t suited for walkers and wheelchairs!

It’s not too late to get your tickets online! Use the promo code “Friday” and save $5!

A Face Only a Mother Could Love

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Yes, even Zombies have mothers, and Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth gives a special shout-out to all the mothers out there, whose darling offspring forever retain a special place in their maternal hearts, no matter how hideous, grotesque and utterly revolting they may seem to the rest of the world.

Some people cater to the belief that all babies are cute, but let’s face it, babies CAN be unattractive, and some of them are downright ugly, enough so to scare the fur off a tarantula! Worse, they can grow up to be really hideous adults, both inside and out. Imagine being the mother of a mass murderer, or worse, someone like Jeffrey Dahmer (for the record, he was adopted). Dahmer was a formiddable argument for the concept of nature over nurture, because he grew up with two very loving adoptive parents who positively doted on him. It’s just too bad they didn’t notice he was torturing and killing the neighborhood cats every time their heads were turned…

A mother’s work is never done, and sometimes quite thankless.

Lizzie Borden took an axe
And gave her mother forty whacks.
When she saw what she had done,
She gave her father forty-one.

Actually, Lizzie Borden was quite devoted to her mother, who died when she was just a child. The woman who received some 18 or 19 blows with a hatchet was her stepmother, and her father received a mere 11 blows, not 41. Although indicted for the murders by a grand jury, Lizzie was later acquitted at trial, and lived on in Fall River, Massachusetts with her sister Emma, ostracized by the community until her death in 1927 at the age of 66. Upon her death the left the bulk of her estate to the Fall River Animal Rescue League, so she couldn’t have been all bad. Whether it was Lizzie or someone else who committed the heinous murders remains a mystery.

On this Mother’s Day, Cutting Edge Haunted House salutes mothers everywhere; mothers of monsters, mothers of Zombies, mothers of axe murders and even mothers of politicians. It’s a dirty thankless job, but someone has to do it!

Top 10 Things that Scare You the Most

MaskAccording to the National Institute of Mental Health, approximately 10% of the adult population is afflicted with phobias. Defined as an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something, phobias can cause symptoms such as dizziness, nausea and breathlessness. In extreme cases, phobias can lead to a full blown panic attack. For most of us, though, these are simply things or situations which we tend to avoid – until we’re confronted with them, say, in a haunted house…

In no particular order, here are ten common phobias, or things that go bump in the night:

Mysophobia. Defined as a pathological fear of contamination or germs, this was a condition said to have plagued reclusive billionaire Howard Hughes in the later years of his life. Rumor had it that even his daily newspaper came wrapped in an outer layer of newspaper. Imagine Howard’s reaction to a plague-infested zombie, reaching out with raw, flesh-rotted fingers…

Trypanophobia. Fear of needles is not uncommon. Most of us don’t like injections. So think about being chased by a bloodied, undead, zombie nurse with a very large, very dirty syringe!

Cynophobia. Many people are afraid of dogs. Some people are so afflicted that they’re even afraid of cute little puppies. Everybody’s afraid of the large, horrific, wolf-like mutant canines that stalk the halls of the Cutting Edge!

Coulrophobia. Originally intended to entertain children, clowns unfortunately often have the opposite effect on the youngest members of the population, causing childhood traumas that lead to a lifelong fear of these oddly-painted, freakish beings.

Agoraphobia. Often thought to be a fear of public places, agoraphobia is also a fear of being trapped, of being unable to escape, being suffocated by crowds and unable to break free. Imagine being surrounded by a crowd of evil clowns!

Ophidiophobia. From the Greek word, “ophis,” or snake, this is a phobia common to many people in varying degrees. There’s just something about the way a snake slithers around your ankles that makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck. And knowing that things are slithering around in the dark where you can’t see them, well that’s just creepy!

Acrophobia. Fear of heights, it has been suggested, may be simply an early adaptation to a world in which falling posed a significant danger to early humans. Fear of falling and fear of loud noises are two very common inborn fears. Watch your step at the Cutting Edge!

Astraphobia. As with the fear of falling, fear of loud noises is completely natural, so fear of thunder is not terribly unusual. Combine it with the fear of electric shock from a lightning strike, and you have a very powerful combination!

Arachnophobia. Although spiders are very helpful creatures that eat other, more pestiferous insects, and only a small percentage of spiders are poisonous, there’s just something, well, creepy about them. Maybe it’s their ability to drop down from the ceiling unexpectedly, or to jump out from a dark corner. . Creepy crawlers abound in the Cutting Edge!

Fear of the Unknown. While not technically a phobia, fear of the unknown is perhaps the greatest fear known to man. Fear of the unknown can be positively paralyzing, because without knowing what is ahead of us, we tend to conjure up the worst. No Hollywood special effects artist, computer graphics generator or movie studio is capable of producing a more powerful image than what we create in our own minds. Perhaps the most terrifying movie scenes ever filmed are those that merely suggest a horrific scenario, and leave the rest to our imagination.

Even though we know – or think we know – that no one has ever been killed, or maimed, or infected in a haunted house – that’s been documented, anyway, we aren’t quite sure. After all, there’s a first time for everything, isn’t there?

Zombies Stage Coup at Cutting Edge Haunted House

While the world was watching events unfolding in Ukraine recently, another sort of uprising was taking place at the Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth. Fed up with what they perceive as “irresponsible leadership” on the part of the centrist Zombie party, a radical upstart group calling themselves the “Chainsaw Gang” has seized control of the Guinness record-holding haunted house.

Storming the audio-visual booth and seizing control of the sound and lighting systems, they have gained a virtual chokehold on the heart and soul of the operation. Reports coming from inside the building confirm the illumination of a large disco ball hanging from the ceiling, and the repeated play of the song “I can’t get no satisfaction.”

In retaliation, the Zombie party has moved to barricade the stairwells, preventing any movement between floors. So far, however, apart from a minor skirmish in the break room over some leftover barbecued spare ribs, there has been no (unusual amount of) violence or bloodshed. It’s a tense standoff, and the stakes are high. The victorious party stands to gain control of the entire operation, and could set the tone of the haunt for many years to come.

Will the Cutting Edge maintain its long-standing acid rock vibe, or be converted to a mellow, disco-loving operation? Only time will tell. Check back for weekly updates on this breaking news story!

Valentine’s Day Shenanigans

In Arizona, a man being held in jail on various charges made a daring escape, crawling past razor wire, scaling two fences and making his way to a bar about 10 miles away in order to spend Valentine’s Day with his girlfriend, only to be apprehended by sheriff’s deputies before he could meet up with his intended.

On another front, the flower delivery service 1-800-Flowers botched the delivery of flowers and candy to thousands of customers this Valentine’s Day, citing weather delays and scheduling snafus. Of course, it isn’t quite clear how many orders were actually placed, and how many boyfriends, husbands and significant others simply took advantage of the foul-up by claiming to have used the service…

Police and FBI are seeking a man dubbed the “Valentine’s Day Bandit,” who robbed a bank in Burlingame, California on, you guessed it, Valentine’s Day. The man is described as slim, dark skinned, between 5′ 5″ and 5′ 10″ and approximately 50-60 years old. Maybe Sanford just needed some money to buy flowers for his girlfriend!

The most exciting shenanigans going on this Valentine’s Day, however, had to be those taking place at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas. For two consecutive nights, blood curdling screams could be heard coming from the building, as hapless lovers disappeared into the darkness, clinging tightly to each other with only candlelight to illuminate their path. Zombies, werewolves, vampires and evil clowns ruled the night and by the time it was all over there was nothing but a pile of bloody bones. Okay, maybe that was barbecue sauce, because the crew celebrated afterwards with a big rib dinner. You know how it is…

In any case, a good time was had by all. Now the cast and crew are busy changing into leprechauns and painting the whole place green because you know what’s next – that’s right, St. Patrick’s Day! Keep your ear to the ground for more information – but watch out for fire ants!

Cutting Edge Denied Gold in Figure Skating

Coming on the heels of the painful decision by the Cutting Edge Zombie Bobsled Team to forego competing in Socchi due to heightened security measures, the Undead Delegation has suffered still another blow. Killer Wabbit, the team’s only entrant in Men’s Figure Skating has been struck from the competition for an allegedly “inappropriate outburst.”

The incident occurred during warm-ups, as the Canadian team was just leaving the ice. The Cutting Edge competitor reportedly leaped onto the ice shouting, “I’m going to eat you! I’m going to cut out your heart and feed it to the werewolves!”

A Cutting Edge spokesman who declined to be named explained, “It’s just friendly competition. He didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just trash talk, you know. It’s really kind of funny.”

The Canadian team, however, was not amused, and filed a complaint with the IOC.

“Trash talk or not, we have to take these things seriously,” said one official. “The Canadians are threatening to pull out of the competition. They say they’re in fear for their lives.”

“Trash talk my ass,” exclaimed one Canadian skater. “He was brandishing a giant meat cleaver when he said it!”

Cutting Edge’s spokesman explained that the meat cleaver was part of Killer Wabbit’s costume, and that the context would become clear during his performance. Unfortunately, it looks as though the public will never get to see Killer Wabbit’s routine.

“We just can’t allow this sort of behavior at the Olympics,” said the IOC official. “And we don’t understand how he got that meat cleaver through security.”

Ultimately, Killer Wabbit was disqualified from competing and asked to leave the venue, and the country. The meat cleaver was confiscated.

We caught up with Killer Wabbit as he was boarding a flight back to Fort Worth, and he had this to say:

“I did not have sex with that woman.”

Oh well, the good news is — it looks like Killer Wabbit will be back at the Cutting Edge just in time for the “Twisted Love” Valentine’s Day extravaganza!

Opening this Friday and Saturday night from 8 to 10 pm, Cutting Edge will be illuminated only by candlelight, and the whole place will be crawling with lovesick zombies, vampires, werewolves and even a Killer Wabbit!

Don’t delay — get your tickets online and save $5 by using the code “Twisted Love.” You’ll be kicking yourself if you miss this one! The Wabbit will have his Wevenge!

More Exciting than the Super Bowl!

If you thought this year’s Super Bowl was a blood bath, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! The cast and crew of Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth have been slaving away for many a sleepless night, getting the four-story fear factory ready for “Twisted Love,” a candlelight Valentine’s Day presentation. Get ready to explore the world’s longest walk-through haunted house, lit only by candlelight, for a twisted romantic alternative to more traditional Valentine’s Day snoozarama activities.

Cling tightly to your loved one (ooh, fun!) lest he or she be snatched by Zombies as you run screaming through the darkness, chased by lovesick vampires bearing ghoulish gifts of dead roses and fetid organ meat.

Don’t miss this very special Valentine’s Day opening, just two nights, Friday and Saturday, February 14 and 15, from 8 to 10 p.m. Get your tickets on line and save $5 when you use the code, “Twisted Love.” Unlike the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Super Bowl performance, the screams will be real and the music will be to die for!

Cutting Edge Zombies Opt Out of Winter Olympics

In an unprecedented move this week, Cutting Edge’s Zombie Bobsled Team made a difficult decision not to attend the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia. Citing fears over a possible terrorist attack, team spokesman Imal Redidedd announced that the many threats and the increased security around the venue would make it just too difficult for the team to travel.

“It’s time-consuming enough getting through security on a normal day,” he said, reluctantly, “but with all the extra vigilance, we might as well just forget it.” Redidedd explained that the team’s dietary requirements entail carry-on coolers full of brains and plasma, which often cause raised eyebrows among TSA and other personnel, and their signature props are even more of a problem.

“They really freak out about the chainsaws,” he explained. “Even though the chains are removed, and we don’t put gas in them until we get to our destination, they just seem to have a problem with the whole thing.”

And without the chainsaws and the brains, “well, we just wouldn’t be Zombies, would we?”

“It’s very disappointing,” said the team’s brakeman, Icho Mahma, “but at least it means we’ll be here for the Valentine’s Day celebration.

Mahma was referring to Cutting Edge’s upcoming Valentine’s Day special opening, Friday and Saturday night, February 14 and 15. “It’s going to be a really awesome event this year, and we were a little disappointed to be missing it, so I guess that’s our silver lining,” said Mahma.

Catch up with Imal Redidedd and Icho Mahma at the Cutting Edge Haunted House this Valentine’s Day weekend, with tickets now available online for just $25 – or $35 for the Speedpass! You won’t find snow, scantily clad figure skaters or fearless bobsled teams, but there will be plenty of screaming and terror – without the terrorists! That’s right, after an explosive evening of frightfully good fun, you get to go home with all of your arms and legs – and most of your brain! Log on to CuttingEdge.com now to get your tickets!

Countdown to Valentine’s Day

Love is in the air, and it’s beckoning you to Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas! Never mind flowers, candy and romantic dinners, nothing says I love you like bloody corpses, rabid werewolves and lovesick zombies bearing bouquets of black roses and wilted calla lilies!

Celebrate your love with a night of horror, bloodlust and undead creatures of the night, stalking you as you run screaming through the darkness, illuminated only by romantic candlelight and the occasional spark of a chainsaw.

Love never dies, and neither do zombies. Keep your love alive, or at least undead, with a night of pure passion, fear and unadulterated panic at Cutting Edge, where love is not just another four letter word!

The doors open at eight o’clock, so don’t be late! This is a night you won’t want to miss!

Weird Valentine’s Day Trivia

Touted as a day of love and romance, Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of romantic failures and loneliness. Maybe that’s why eight million Americans send themselves presents on Valentine’s Day.

Still, if you haven’t got a significant other to send flowers to, there’s always man’s best friend. About three percent of pet owners give Valentine’s Day gifts to their pets.

In the U.S., it’s estimated that 64 percent of men do not make plans in advance for Valentine’s Day. Watch out boys, because 53% of women in America say they would dump their boyfriends if they did not get them a present for Valentine’s Day!

Kissing helps reduce tooth decay because the extra saliva helps clean out your mouth. Also you burn 26 calories in a one minute kiss.

During Abraham Lincoln’s campaign for President, a Democrat named Valentine Tapley swore he would never shave again if Abe were elected. Tapley kept his word and his chin whiskers went unshaved from November 1860 until he died in 1910, attaining a length of 12 feet 6 inches. That’s totally ZZ Top on steroids!

If you’re stuck for something to do on Valentine’s Day, or even if you’re not, make plans to bring your sweetie to the Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth for a fright to remember! Our zombies haven’t had a date in eons, and they’d like to take a bite of yours!

For candle light, lots of romantic interludes and a screaming good time, make Cutting Edge your Valentine’s Day tradition!

Happy New Year from the Cutting Edge

As 2013 draws to a close and a New Year approaches, Halloween and haunted houses may seem distant memories as we prepare to welcome in 2014 amidst a flurry of winter storms across the nation.

January is a time of renewal, however at the Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, where we’re busy preparing a one-night only, Valentine’s Day spectacular performance that is literally TO DIE FOR.

Unlike other haunts in the nation, Cutting Edge is probably the only one that opens up multiple times throughout the year, just because we love what we do so much that we can’t wait for Halloween. We provide special themed events on Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, every Friday that falls on the 13th of the month – June 13th this year, and whenever we bloody well feel like it, so watch our blog and our Facebook page for details!

So make plans to bring that special someone to the scariest place on earth this Valentine’s Day, Friday, February 14th, 2014 — because nothing warms the heart like a night of terror!

Last Chance to Vote!

This Friday the 13th of December is your final chance to vote in the Scare Somebody video contest sponsored by Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth!

To vote, go to the Cutting Edge Facebook page and follow the link to vote for your favorite. There’s $10,000 at stake here, so make your vote count!

And for a REAL scare, come to Cutting Edge for a very special Nightscare Before Christmas, Friday the 13th from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. Buy your tickets online and get $5 off with the promo code “Snowman.”

Come and make merry – or make scary, that is, with a colorful cast of characters you won’t see dancing the Nutcracker Suite anytime soon. There’ll be plenty of red and green decorations – well red, anyway, caroling (or screaming – what’s the difference), joy and laughter and goodwill toward zombies.

Tis the season for giving, so give yourself a delightful fright at the Cutting Edge this Friday, and we guarantee, that won’t be Jack Frost that’s nipping at your nose!

Dashing through the Dark at the Cutting Edge

Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth is ready to Jingle your Bells this Friday the 13th!

Forget sugarplums, candy canes, cheery Christmas music and sickly sweet smiles. Let the real SPIRIT of Christmas send shivers up and down your spine at Cutting Edge Haunted House this Friday the 13th of December at a very special Nightscare Before Christmas extravaganza!

And as you’re dashing through the dark, don’t forget to hum our little Christmas ditty, sung to the tune of Jingle Bells:

Dashing through the dark
Overwhelmed by fear,
See the chainsaws spark
Cutting Edge is here!
Hear the zombies play
A frightful melody
How they love to chase us all
In four part harmony!

Oh!
Cutting Edge, Cutting Edge,
We’re so glad you’re back!
We can’t wait to run and scream
And have a heart attack!

Oh!
Cutting Edge, Cutting Edge,
Scare us till we cry!
Haunt our nightmares and our dreams
Until the day we die!

Though it’s very dark,
I’m sure we’ll be okay.
But something touched my arm,
In a really creepy way!
We’re surrounded now,
There’s Zombies everywhere,
I’m so glad I thought to bring
A change of underwear!

Oh!
Cutting Edge, Cutting Edge,
We’re so glad you’re back!
We can’t wait to run and scream
And have a heart attack!

Oh!
Cutting Edge, Cutting Edge,
Scare us till we cry!
Haunt our nightmares and our dreams
Until the day we die!

Remember, nothing screams Christmas like a bloody corpse on a meathook!

Saturday Night’s All Right at the Cutting Edge

Saturday, what a day, Saturday night’s all right! It looks to be a heck of a party as Cutting Edge opens this Saturday for the last night in 2013! If you haven’t made it to the show yet, don’t miss your chance to be part of the Cutting Edge 2013 season!

America’s favorite screamfest, the Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth will be open just two more nights, November 1st and 2nd, for hours of hair-raising, spine-tingling scares and dares.

It’s been a blood-curdling good time, but as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. And so we bid adieu to our loyal fans, for now, and officially close out the 2013 Haunting Season. Our zombies will trade in their chainsaws for hammers and paintbrushes. Our evil geniuses will put their skills to use designing even more diabolical sets, and our mummies will send their gauze wraps to the cleaners (and phew, it’s about time!).

The Cutting Edge cast and crew would like to thank you all for your support. Without our loyal fans, we wouldn’t have anybody to terrorize, and that just wouldn’t be any fun at all!

So come on out and help us close out the season with a bang, and just wait till you see what we have planned in 2014!

Happy Halloween from the Cutting Edge

Quick question:

Where’s the spookiest place on Earth to spend Halloween?

Answer:

The Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth!

If you’re not here, you’re missing out!

It’s the party of a lifetime, and everybody’s having a blast.

They’re dancing, they’re screaming, they’re partying like it’s 1999…

We’ve got Zombie marching bands.

We’ve got vampires and werewolves and ghouls, oh my!

We’ve got dark mazes, and huge walls of foam!

We’ve got clowns.

Lots and lots of clowns!

We’ve got monsters and dragons and snakes and giant man-eating lizards.

We’ve got awesome, thumping music and really cool special effects.

We’ve got Evil Wabbits.

We’ve got everything you could ever want in a haunted house, and we’ve even got Mom!

All that’s missing is you! So what are you waiting for? Get on down here! We’ll be open through Sunday, and we won’t take NO for an answer!

And don’t forget to enter your videos to our Scare Somebody contest by midnight tonight!

Cutting Edge’s Long Lost Chupacabra Sighted in Mississippi

Residents of Picayune, Mississippi may have sighted Cutting Edge’s long lost Chupacabra, a Spanish word for “goat-sucker,” given to the animal for its penchant for draining the blood from farm animals.

Sort of a legendary canine Sasquatch, Chupacabra sightings abound throughout the United States, Puerto Rico, Mexico and Central and South America.

Some speculate that these strange, hairless beasts may simply be coyotes afflicted with a bad case of sarcoptic mange, which would leave the animal with little fur, thickened skin and an odor that could kill all by itself.

Only residents of Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth know the creature’s true origins.

Chewie was Cutting Edge’s resident Chupacabra up until he wandered off in the midst of a particularly violent thunderstorm two years ago. “We looked for him everywhere,” said Cutting Edge Fear-Master Todd James. “We’d pretty much given up hope.”

The recent sighting of a Chupacabra in Picayune, Mississippi could very well be the missing Cutting Edge mascot. A woman who spotted the creature described it this way: “If a zombie had a dog, it would look like that.”

“As soon as we heard that,” said James, “we knew that had to be our little Chewie.”

Neither local animal control nor state Fish and Wildlife workers have been able to capture the mysterious beast.

“Of course not,” says James. “You can’t catch a Chupacabra!” Still, will the wandering Chewie ever return to Cutting Edge? “I have a feeling he’ll come home when he’s ready,” says James.

Chupacabra or no, there are plenty of other frightful creatures waiting for you at the Cutting Edge tonight. There are just five nights left, so don’t miss out! Don’t worry about the weather – just bring a good umbrella and a change of underwear!

It’s almost Halloween; Do You Know Where Your Pumpkin is?

A rash of pumpkin thefts around the country has been brought closer to home as a 100-pound pumpkin was stolen Sunday night from the front lawn of a Southlake family. The pumpkin was part of a large, illuminated Halloween display, only Monday morning, the display had a conspicuously empty spot.

“I hope they enjoy it,” said pumpkin-mom Cynthia Bishop, graciously. “It is Halloween. Halloween is all about fun.”

All around the country, pumpkins have been vanishing from porches, yards and pumpkin patches, in a veritable outbreak of Grand Theft Pumpkin.

A West Knoxville business owner was out a dozen pink pumpkins that were supposed to be sold as part of a cancer fundraiser. The pink-painted gourds disappeared from the store’s display overnight. Neighbors and local celebrities rallied, however, and the fundraiser went on to raise double the previous year’s totals, despite the absent pinkies.

An entire crop of around 600 pumpkins was filched from a farm on Long Island recently, putting police on high alert for pumpkin thieves, on the heels of a number of smaller pumpkin thefts in the area. According to the article in the Independent News, “supernatural causes for the disappearances are being ruled out at this stage.”

In York, Pennsylvania, a 255 pound pumpkin was stolen and then later returned, along with a note apologizing for the pumpkin napping. The pumpkin had been won by a 9-year-old boy who had correctly guessed the weight of the giant squash at an Oktoberfest event, and the would-be thief apparently had second thoughts about depriving the lad of his prize.

Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth is no stranger to pumpkin-napping. “We can’t seem to keep pumpkins on the property,” says Haunt Master Todd James. “The clowns like to use them for Zombie Bowling.” Not only that, the zombies themselves like to use pumpkins for chainsaw practice. “We’ll go through 100 pumpkins in a season, easy,” adds James.

The question remains: Will the Southlake pumpkin find its way home? And how many zombies do you have to knock over for a strike?

Find answers to all your strange pumpkin questions at the Cutting Edge, currently in its last week of the season! Plus – tonight and Tuesday night are Student night and Service Industry Night – SIN! High school and college students need only bring student IDs, and service industry folks their pay check stub to the coupon booth to receive $10 off your ticket!

Don’t miss out – and for Pete’s sake, keep an eye on those pumpkins!

A Cutting Edge Haunted House Marathon

If you haven’t yet paid a visit to Dallas-Fort Worth’s Cutting Edge Haunted House this year, you’re in luck. Cutting Edge is open tonight, tomorrow night, and every night next week, straight through Halloween! That’s a marathon 11 days in a row that America’s favorite haunted attraction will be open for your enjoyment, with the grand finale to be held on Saturday, November 2nd.

And just how does a zombie prep for such an arduous run of performances? “Treadmills,” says Cutting Edge’s Master of the Macabre, Todd James. “We’ve got tons of them.” In the months leading up to the haunting season, Cutting Edge’s zombies, ghouls, evil clowns and other undead creatures of the night spend hours each day, plugging away on treadmills to build up their stamina.

“We got a sweet deal on a bunch of defective treadmills from a local gym,” says James. “They won’t go over two miles an hour. That’s just perfect for the zombies.” He adds, “some of the clowns, though, they like to work out on suspension trainers. They’re much more acrobatic.”

After all, scaring people isn’t as easy as you might think. Chainsaws can weigh as much as 15 pounds, and swinging them around all night is not for the 99-pound weakling. “Some of the zombies have tried lifting weights,” says James, “but since they don’t having living tissue, they don’t really develop muscle.”

As for the clowns, ghouls and other fiends, leaping around the building all night can be quite exhausting. “We add a lot of B vitamins to their blood smoothies to help them keep going,” says James. “I don’t know if it really helps, but it gives them a psychological boost, anyway.”

One can’t help but feel the excitement in the air as each day passes and Halloween draws nearer, and nearer still. The tension is building to a fevered pitch as chainsaws are sharpened, bandages wrapped tighter and canine teeth are filed to a spiky point. “This is what they live for,” says James, “what they’ve been training for all year. They’re ready to put everything on the line and give you the scare of your life – or die trying.”

Wait, aren’t they already dead?

Don’t miss the chance to see these world class athletes in action at Cutting Edge Haunted House. The clock is ticking down. The Harvest Moon is fading, the nights are getting longer – and darker, and when the sun rises on November 3rd, it will all be just a memory – one you can only hope to forget! Buwahhaaa hah hah hah….

Some Little Known Zombie Trivia

Books, movies and folklore are full of stories about zombies, portraying them as slow-moving, brain-eating undead dullards with little to no cerebral function, but zombies actually have many qualities of which most people are unaware. Dallas-Fort Worth Haunted House Cutting Edge has been making scientific observations of the zombies that reside on their premises for many years now, and offers some surprising, little-known bits of information.

Few people realize, for instance, that zombies actually have quite a sophisticated palate. In addition to brains, they like to snack on Escargot (snails), Pate de Fois Gras (creamed goose liver), Steak Tartare (raw beef) and various preparations of Tripe (cow intestine).

Zombies like to read, too, and spend many a lazy afternoon engrossed in their favorite novels. Some popular titles among our undead friends are The Way of All Flesh, Slaughterhouse Five, The Day of the Locust, Fear, Something Wicked This Way Comes, We The Living, and Lolita.

Another favorite zombie activity is dancing, with many favoring traditional ballroom styles such as the Viennese Waltz. A few prefer hot Latin Samba and Tango styles, while still others like to experiment with popular dance crazes, such as the Dougie, the Harlem Shake, the Stanky Legg, and of course, Gangnam Style.

Those who have visited Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, of course, are all too familiar with zombies’ penchant for musical instruments, particularly drums. In addition to an all-zombie marching band, Cutting Edge has an intensely macabre, undead precision drumline of competition calibre!

Cutting Edge will be open five nights this week, Wednesday through Sunday, giving zombie enthusiasts plenty of opportunities to observe them in their natural habitat. See zombies eating brains, zombies waving chainsaws, zombies playing musical instruments and if you’re lucky, maybe even zombies doing the Gangnam style!

Halloween Myths and Legends

Did you know?

One of the scariest things imaginable is the prospect of being mistaken for dead and inadvertently buried alive. This actually used to happen, when someone would fall into a coma or perhaps have a cataleptic seizure, and their heart rate and breathing would slow sufficiently for them to be mistaken for dead. Back in the day, if you couldn’t be awakened, and you didn’t have a robust metabolic rate warming your skin and keeping your heart pumping, it was assumed that you had passed on to the great yonder.

It happened so frequently that many caskets were equipped with above-ground bells, which were routed down into the casket so that if the unfortunate victim should happen to awaken, they could ring the bell, and (hopefully) the cemetery night watchman would be alerted. Many old cemeteries still have these bells, which play a spooky melody on windy evenings.

It also tended to contribute to the myths around zombies and vampires during the 18th and 19th centuries. As people got sicker and sicker with tuberculosis, their skin became paler, and they often spit up blood. Then imagine if they were presumed dead and buried, only to re-emerge from their coffins for one last gasp of air. Or imagine someone going into a cataleptic seizure and being presumed dead, and then being buried only to come back to life. Surely the one would seem a vampire and the other a zombie.

Halloween brings its own special myths and legends, among them:

According to superstition, a person born on Halloween, October 31st, has the unique ability to see and talk to spirits.

If you see a spider on Halloween, it means that a dead relative is watching over you.

To prevent owls from swooping down and feasting on your soul on Halloween night, turn your pockets inside out and let them hang.

Bury animal bones in your front yard to protect yourself from evil spirits that roam the earth on Halloween.

If you want to see a witch on Halloween, wear your clothes inside out and walk backwards.

Of course, if you want to see zombies, vampires, werewolves and other undead creatures of the night, just come out to Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth where you’ll see more chilling sights than you can shake a chainsaw at!