The Blog of The World's Largest Haunted House
While the world was watching events unfolding in Ukraine recently, another sort of uprising was taking place at the Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth. Fed up with what they perceive as “irresponsible leadership” on the part of the centrist Zombie party, a radical upstart group calling themselves the “Chainsaw Gang” has seized control of the Guinness record-holding haunted house.
Storming the audio-visual booth and seizing control of the sound and lighting systems, they have gained a virtual chokehold on the heart and soul of the operation. Reports coming from inside the building confirm the illumination of a large disco ball hanging from the ceiling, and the repeated play of the song “I can’t get no satisfaction.”
In retaliation, the Zombie party has moved to barricade the stairwells, preventing any movement between floors. So far, however, apart from a minor skirmish in the break room over some leftover barbecued spare ribs, there has been no (unusual amount of) violence or bloodshed. It’s a tense standoff, and the stakes are high. The victorious party stands to gain control of the entire operation, and could set the tone of the haunt for many years to come.
Will the Cutting Edge maintain its long-standing acid rock vibe, or be converted to a mellow, disco-loving operation? Only time will tell. Check back for weekly updates on this breaking news story!
In Arizona, a man being held in jail on various charges made a daring escape, crawling past razor wire, scaling two fences and making his way to a bar about 10 miles away in order to spend Valentine’s Day with his girlfriend, only to be apprehended by sheriff’s deputies before he could meet up with his intended.
On another front, the flower delivery service 1-800-Flowers botched the delivery of flowers and candy to thousands of customers this Valentine’s Day, citing weather delays and scheduling snafus. Of course, it isn’t quite clear how many orders were actually placed, and how many boyfriends, husbands and significant others simply took advantage of the foul-up by claiming to have used the service…
Police and FBI are seeking a man dubbed the “Valentine’s Day Bandit,” who robbed a bank in Burlingame, California on, you guessed it, Valentine’s Day. The man is described as slim, dark skinned, between 5′ 5″ and 5′ 10″ and approximately 50-60 years old. Maybe Sanford just needed some money to buy flowers for his girlfriend!
The most exciting shenanigans going on this Valentine’s Day, however, had to be those taking place at Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas. For two consecutive nights, blood curdling screams could be heard coming from the building, as hapless lovers disappeared into the darkness, clinging tightly to each other with only candlelight to illuminate their path. Zombies, werewolves, vampires and evil clowns ruled the night and by the time it was all over there was nothing but a pile of bloody bones. Okay, maybe that was barbecue sauce, because the crew celebrated afterwards with a big rib dinner. You know how it is…
In any case, a good time was had by all. Now the cast and crew are busy changing into leprechauns and painting the whole place green because you know what’s next – that’s right, St. Patrick’s Day! Keep your ear to the ground for more information – but watch out for fire ants!
Valentine’s Day may not seem the time to reflect on scary stories or those scary tales we tell around the campfires but there are tales of horror that revolve around love or the ongoing search for love and romance that continue to be shared in the dark. Everyone is familiar with the young man who took his young lady to the local lover’s lane on their way home. He parked in the dark, turned on the radio, and started making his moves. All at once, the announcer breaks in with a bulletin, a crazed murderer with a hook in place of one hand has broken out of the insane asylum and is being searched for in their area. The young lady is understandably nervous and scared and let’s face it, the mood is shot! Lover boy insists that they are safe, the doors are locked, and entices her back to romance. All of a sudden, they hear something in the brush and this time, he cannot persuade his lady love that everything is fine. A little upset, and not just a little frustrated, he starts up his engine, and tears out of the woods and heads for her home. Feeling a little put upon and out of sorts, he refuses to go around and open the door for her, insisting she just slide out after him on the driver’s side. She hurries to scamper out on his side and they start toward her door. He stops just short of the porch, ready to leave and she turns back to him and begins screaming in terror. He slowly turns to look back at where her terrified eyes are staring and sees a hook dripping blood hanging from the passenger door handle… obviously someone was definitely looking for love in the wrong place… As you travel through the dark hallways of the Cutting Edge Haunted House Fort Worth on Valentine’s Day, there are many young lovers looking for love, whether they, like you, are enjoying a night out on the town, or whether they didn’t make it out of lover’s lane one dark and lonely night, well, who can tell…it’s just a story, right…
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Coming on the heels of the painful decision by the Cutting Edge Zombie Bobsled Team to forego competing in Socchi due to heightened security measures, the Undead Delegation has suffered still another blow. Killer Wabbit, the team’s only entrant in Men’s Figure Skating has been struck from the competition for an allegedly “inappropriate outburst.”
The incident occurred during warm-ups, as the Canadian team was just leaving the ice. The Cutting Edge competitor reportedly leaped onto the ice shouting, “I’m going to eat you! I’m going to cut out your heart and feed it to the werewolves!”
A Cutting Edge spokesman who declined to be named explained, “It’s just friendly competition. He didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just trash talk, you know. It’s really kind of funny.”
The Canadian team, however, was not amused, and filed a complaint with the IOC.
“Trash talk or not, we have to take these things seriously,” said one official. “The Canadians are threatening to pull out of the competition. They say they’re in fear for their lives.”
“Trash talk my ass,” exclaimed one Canadian skater. “He was brandishing a giant meat cleaver when he said it!”
Cutting Edge’s spokesman explained that the meat cleaver was part of Killer Wabbit’s costume, and that the context would become clear during his performance. Unfortunately, it looks as though the public will never get to see Killer Wabbit’s routine.
“We just can’t allow this sort of behavior at the Olympics,” said the IOC official. “And we don’t understand how he got that meat cleaver through security.”
Ultimately, Killer Wabbit was disqualified from competing and asked to leave the venue, and the country. The meat cleaver was confiscated.
We caught up with Killer Wabbit as he was boarding a flight back to Fort Worth, and he had this to say:
“I did not have sex with that woman.”
Oh well, the good news is — it looks like Killer Wabbit will be back at the Cutting Edge just in time for the “Twisted Love” Valentine’s Day extravaganza!
Opening this Friday and Saturday night from 8 to 10 pm, Cutting Edge will be illuminated only by candlelight, and the whole place will be crawling with lovesick zombies, vampires, werewolves and even a Killer Wabbit!
Don’t delay — get your tickets online and save $5 by using the code “Twisted Love.” You’ll be kicking yourself if you miss this one! The Wabbit will have his Wevenge!
If you thought this year’s Super Bowl was a blood bath, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! The cast and crew of Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth have been slaving away for many a sleepless night, getting the four-story fear factory ready for “Twisted Love,” a candlelight Valentine’s Day presentation. Get ready to explore the world’s longest walk-through haunted house, lit only by candlelight, for a twisted romantic alternative to more traditional Valentine’s Day snoozarama activities.
Cling tightly to your loved one (ooh, fun!) lest he or she be snatched by Zombies as you run screaming through the darkness, chased by lovesick vampires bearing ghoulish gifts of dead roses and fetid organ meat.
Don’t miss this very special Valentine’s Day opening, just two nights, Friday and Saturday, February 14 and 15, from 8 to 10 p.m. Get your tickets on line and save $5 when you use the code, “Twisted Love.” Unlike the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Super Bowl performance, the screams will be real and the music will be to die for!
In an unprecedented move this week, Cutting Edge’s Zombie Bobsled Team made a difficult decision not to attend the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia. Citing fears over a possible terrorist attack, team spokesman Imal Redidedd announced that the many threats and the increased security around the venue would make it just too difficult for the team to travel.
“It’s time-consuming enough getting through security on a normal day,” he said, reluctantly, “but with all the extra vigilance, we might as well just forget it.” Redidedd explained that the team’s dietary requirements entail carry-on coolers full of brains and plasma, which often cause raised eyebrows among TSA and other personnel, and their signature props are even more of a problem.
“They really freak out about the chainsaws,” he explained. “Even though the chains are removed, and we don’t put gas in them until we get to our destination, they just seem to have a problem with the whole thing.”
And without the chainsaws and the brains, “well, we just wouldn’t be Zombies, would we?”
“It’s very disappointing,” said the team’s brakeman, Icho Mahma, “but at least it means we’ll be here for the Valentine’s Day celebration.
Mahma was referring to Cutting Edge’s upcoming Valentine’s Day special opening, Friday and Saturday night, February 14 and 15. “It’s going to be a really awesome event this year, and we were a little disappointed to be missing it, so I guess that’s our silver lining,” said Mahma.
Catch up with Imal Redidedd and Icho Mahma at the Cutting Edge Haunted House this Valentine’s Day weekend, with tickets now available online for just $25 – or $35 for the Speedpass! You won’t find snow, scantily clad figure skaters or fearless bobsled teams, but there will be plenty of screaming and terror – without the terrorists! That’s right, after an explosive evening of frightfully good fun, you get to go home with all of your arms and legs – and most of your brain! Log on to CuttingEdge.com now to get your tickets!
Love is in the air, and it’s beckoning you to Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, Texas! Never mind flowers, candy and romantic dinners, nothing says I love you like bloody corpses, rabid werewolves and lovesick zombies bearing bouquets of black roses and wilted calla lilies!
Celebrate your love with a night of horror, bloodlust and undead creatures of the night, stalking you as you run screaming through the darkness, illuminated only by romantic candlelight and the occasional spark of a chainsaw.
Love never dies, and neither do zombies. Keep your love alive, or at least undead, with a night of pure passion, fear and unadulterated panic at Cutting Edge, where love is not just another four letter word!
The doors open at eight o’clock, so don’t be late! This is a night you won’t want to miss!
Touted as a day of love and romance, Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of romantic failures and loneliness. Maybe that’s why eight million Americans send themselves presents on Valentine’s Day.
Still, if you haven’t got a significant other to send flowers to, there’s always man’s best friend. About three percent of pet owners give Valentine’s Day gifts to their pets.
In the U.S., it’s estimated that 64 percent of men do not make plans in advance for Valentine’s Day. Watch out boys, because 53% of women in America say they would dump their boyfriends if they did not get them a present for Valentine’s Day!
Kissing helps reduce tooth decay because the extra saliva helps clean out your mouth. Also you burn 26 calories in a one minute kiss.
During Abraham Lincoln’s campaign for President, a Democrat named Valentine Tapley swore he would never shave again if Abe were elected. Tapley kept his word and his chin whiskers went unshaved from November 1860 until he died in 1910, attaining a length of 12 feet 6 inches. That’s totally ZZ Top on steroids!
If you’re stuck for something to do on Valentine’s Day, or even if you’re not, make plans to bring your sweetie to the Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth for a fright to remember! Our zombies haven’t had a date in eons, and they’d like to take a bite of yours!
For candle light, lots of romantic interludes and a screaming good time, make Cutting Edge your Valentine’s Day tradition!
Ah Valentine’s day, one of the most over-rated, over-hyped, over-commercialized holidays known to man! Few holidays trigger more anxiety in the male of the species than Cupid’s revenge, when no romantic gesture ever seems to be quite right in the eyes of the fairer sex, especially when there’s literally, no gesture at all…
Men, skip the flowers and candy this year and bring your date to the only place more romantic than a Texas slaughterhouse – an actual meatpacking plant on Hell’s Half Acre in Fort Worth!
Your honey will cling to you like a girdle on Dolly Parton as you bob and weave your way through a moving train of bloody corpses, chased by evil, chainsaw-wielding fiends though the darkened old death factory.
Aided only by flickering candle light, you’ll stumble through floor after floor of romantic tableaus and bittersweet surprises, such as a zombie tenderly feeding his bride a quivering slice of brain, or a blood-encrusted vampire, feasting hungrily on his one true love.
Yes, there’ll be lots of romantic lighting, lovesick zombies and enough blood and guts everywhere to give you fond memories of the Valentine’s Day Massacre! Hold on tight to your date and don’t let go till you’re both safely back in your car! And remember, nothing says I love you like a bloodcurdling scream!
January is a time of renewal, however at the Cutting Edge Haunted House in Fort Worth, where we’re busy preparing a one-night only, Valentine’s Day spectacular performance that is literally TO DIE FOR.
Unlike other haunts in the nation, Cutting Edge is probably the only one that opens up multiple times throughout the year, just because we love what we do so much that we can’t wait for Halloween. We provide special themed events on Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, every Friday that falls on the 13th of the month – June 13th this year, and whenever we bloody well feel like it, so watch our blog and our Facebook page for details!
So make plans to bring that special someone to the scariest place on earth this Valentine’s Day, Friday, February 14th, 2014 — because nothing warms the heart like a night of terror!